Tragic Magic

Vivians Story

Vivian;

It's raining here now, I hate the rain I know people love the rain it's supposed to be soothing and beautiful. I just think it's wet.
You were dishonest with me, the people hate to get wet. Spray them with the hose, throw them in a pool and they flip out, but that rain it's so relaxing. You know what I like the sun or a really clear night sky when I look up at the moon and it's really clear it's like I'm looking up from the bottom of a snow globe.
It's so beautiful and it looks so simple but it's really not. It's 1,000,000 miles away in a place I'll never go. I wouldn't want to go to the moon anyway, it would cheapen the romance of it being so far. It would make it something real something you can touch and walk around on. I don't want it to be that accessible.
This friend of mine is afraid of lightning. She stays locked in a room when it rains and lightning breaks the sky. She actually locks the door, I tell her it can't open the door, she just looks at me like I'm not from the earth as if to say of course it can open the door idiot.
It's so strange to me how everyone is scared of something usually totally irrational. I know this woman that is afraid of the sound the newspaper makes when you rub it together. Can you imagine that scaring the shit out of you? It's amazing, she gets this panicked look all over her face and goes pale white. I like to rub the pages together just to see her face change and the hair on her arm stand straight up. My grandmother is scared of ghosts. She had her House blessed after her mother died. The priest came in with the holy water and everything. What a fucking spectacle, my grandfather just looked at her and didn't really say anything for a long time. She kept bringing it up though, the stupid things, like she heard footsteps last night, how the door was closed and now it's open type of thing. That's when my grandfather finally spoke up. He just looked at her all stern and his face broke into a smile and he goes don't fear the dead, fear the living. I'll always remember that line it just makes sense nobody just makes sense like that anymore. But that line, how can you argue with that logic? I don't really have any fears. Actually it's not that I don't have any fears I just try not to think of future things that might scare me. I kind of have fear only within the moment when things are happening. I don't premeditate my fright.
I met this guy once he was into all these extreme sport type of things, every time he spoke about one of these things people would be like weren't you scared? He would just shrug and be like the worst that could happen I die as if that was no big deal because death is just something that happens. I said this to him one night and he looks at me and goes well it does just happen, then he told me the sooner you realize that the inevitable is you not being alive anymore it really makes you not think too deeply on things.
Once you understand that right now is just that, you don't care about doing what you want to do anymore. His whole theory of life and death Made too much sense and to be quite honest it took me a little while to wrap my brain around it. I lost touch with him but I kind of took his views and made them my own. I have his same mentality just a little more toned down. But I think his whole argument added to my views on fear. I use it as a sort of guideline, I'm just not that fearless to totally throw my whole self into it. I know he is right though all we really have is right now and all we really have are these moments. We know how it's going to end, we just don't know how it's going to be. So live for yourself, and live how you want and always remember don't be afraid of ghosts be afraid of not living totally and completely of living hard right up until you die.