Rina;
I sit here and I search for worth six ways in this world. Why are you so cruel and belligerent is this life. I hate this world so mean and I'm caring so selfish and loathing. I am so tired of being the victim of other peoples words. I want to be happy. I want to be happy for more than a glimpse or a moment. The world is cheap with lasting happiness and I try to find the secret to it. How do I get there, do you just wake up and it comes upon you this happiness? Do they just find it one day like a $20 bill in old purse? Ilook all over This fucking world and I find nothing. I'm so tired, I am so fucking exhausted by life, I wish for a different way I wish for a different path. Where is it? I want out of this I want out of this purgatory, send me to hell but send me somewhere. Bring me somewhere out of this life.
I broke this man's heart once. I didn't even look him in the eye, I looked away like a scared dog, I looked away. I couldn't turn my face toward his and I hated myself for that and I hate myself for that still. I am disgusting, I am not beautiful or thin and I hate myself. I hurt someone because I could. I wanted to see what it felt like to make someone feel pain.
I couldn't even understand it because I was too scared to give someone that pain that's why I looked away, that's why I couldn't face my eyes to his. I hate myself for feeling fear, I hate fear and I'm too scared to even let myself feel it. Where am I, I'm somewhere inside myself looking up. I'm so ready not to be here anymore but yet I'm too scared not to be. I'm too scared to live but I'm too scared to die. I'm afraid to stand here but I'm too frightened to run, I hate this world for letting me be in it. I despise that man I hurt for letting me hurt him I hate myself for feeling empathy. To stop feeling so very much easier to not feel anything ever again. Why would anyone want to feel anything when they don't have to. I want to go away from this place in these thoughts. I want to lay in a garden in my mind filled with roses and thick smoke that smells like peonies. I want to lay there and look up in a purple sky, laying there no emotion entering me.
I hate the absurdity of caring the responsibility of caring. I want to give up and let go of this whole world I want to float away in a sea of deep narcissism and negligence. I want to drift until I'm a dot seen from the shore going farther and farther until I'm gone and done and unseen ended and unfounded.
YOU ARE READING
Tragic Magic
Short StoryIn a world where stories are sometimes told by the famous, infamous, or those who are controversial, tells the story of every woman through characters that are relatable, beautiful, comical, and above all, genuine.
