Diana;
I don't eat. I havent eaten a full meal in about a year. To me a full meal would be a failure, it would undo all the work I've done. I know how it sounds. Sick. But to me it's every day life. Every time I get hungry I just think of myself naked and then I feel full. To me perfection is not a man or a career it's feeling completely satisfied with your body not just your clothed form but your naked form. This to me is the truest test. If you still feel satisfied with yourself when your flesh has nowhere to hide, that is an accomplishment. It's all in the training if you train yourself to not think of food to occupy your mind with things that you can do to improve yourself. I know this sounds like a very narcissistic battle, however it's the way you have to be in order to exist in this body and feel thin. Then finally to be desirable.
I'm not saying it's easy it's not, but you have to train yourself like a dog. I wasn't always this way, I used to enjoy food and eating. I would savor my meals. I was however miserable with myself. I hated my legs. Iloathed my ass. Then Irealized if I hated the way I looked naked. How can I expect anyone else to want to see it. It's not that I'm anorexic, I just don't have any extra. I'm not this way for anyone but myself. I want to be this way. It's all about what makes me feel beautiful and this is it. I can't move with all that food in me it weighs me down and then I feel stuck.
I had this boyfriend once who loved the way women looked. Every single woman but me, he never told me I was pretty never gave me a compliment so I decided one day to be my own boyfriend. I would make me feel beautiful, I figured if I couldn't make myself feel good in this skin how can I expect someone else to. That was the beginning.
Yes sometimes I get hungry but I know the food doesn't have the happiness. I had to find that myself, that's why I am hungry but happy. That's why I am alone but I'm far from lonely. That's why I am vain but I'm far from shallow.
Ilove nice things but I hate materialism.
I am worth it, it took me a really long time to understand that. I am worth all the things that I want. We all are, maybe my logic is backwards, maybe I don't know what I'm talking about but I know that it feels right. That for me in my life this is the way.
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Tragic Magic
ContoIn a world where stories are sometimes told by the famous, infamous, or those who are controversial, tells the story of every woman through characters that are relatable, beautiful, comical, and above all, genuine.
