my poems

addiction of dear supreme chair

i only want you when i hate her
when i dont feel enough,
you are the pill in my hands
addiction of dear supreme chair

we are indeed double-tounged like them
"no mouth tells the truth"
how else could we be still called human?
isnt Hypokrites?

and me, i'm only allowed to be punished
by your love that never existed
self hatred will have to turn into something,
either this or i'll be growing older but not wiser
through my agony i have to get stronger

it feels like sinning, no one knows a thing
i want something impossible to achieve
desire kills the bearer
as the grave haunts its digger

so soon did you forget what he said?
"you are the flame i could only dare to be around"
i'm the craziest moth to my own self,
to that burst coming through my chest

there's something wrong if theres no pain
i only like the ones who are self-tamed
almost like a fachist,
though never cross that frontier

i dont wanna run into the ruins of this place
im afraid inside i'll find out
exactly what i'm escaping from:
a perfectly messed up winning chance

the clayey road to my borders
is the only path
that will give me the strength
to find my new self 

i have tamed loneliness,
it is now my big monster friend
it protects me from
visiting the old house again

thus i'll be shaking hands with my hangmen
only they can crash the walls to my welfare
my demons are just a synonym for strong friends
only when i make them my friend,
i'll go through their hell without losing myself

next in line is a guardian named dopamine
it holds the keys to my neurodivergent brain
it wants to run forever without feeling tire
live fast and die old
only way satisfy.

18.07.23