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Chris isn't one to cry, not in that stereotypical macho way where shedding a tear is deemed emasculating. No, Chris has his ways of dealing with emotions, and crying doesn't often make the list. At least, it didn't until he watched Lovette drive away, uncertainty hanging in the air like an unspoken question, all because he couldn't find the words to stop her from getting in that damn car.
The first hot tears catch him off guard. They welled up, blurring his vision as he stared at the dwindling taillights of her car. He swiped at them hurriedly, but they left salty streaks on his cheeks. He rubs his palms into his eyes as if trying to erase the evidence. He tries to command himself not to let more tears follow, but it's a futile battle. The tears stream forth, a cascade he can't quite comprehend.
"Fuck!" he bursts out, tugging at his hair in frustration, momentarily forgetting that he's in a public place.
An older woman, out for a leisurely walk on the sidewalk, shoots him a disapproving glance at his liberal use of profanity. Chris, still red-eyed and flustered, offers her an apologetic smile as she continues her walk.
"Sorry," he mutters sheepishly, his voice cracking slightly.
The sheer stupidity of his actions settled in his chest, how he had called Lovette clingy—a bald-faced lie—and her crestfallen face at his words. He hated how he had internalized Layla's words, and now he was questioning whether he was right for Lovette. Mateo seemed to be everything he wasn't, and that's all Chris could think about when he hung out with Lovette now. It's why he had left so quickly after each hangout, why he had shut off his phone for hours, and why he had said things he didn't mean. Because maybe Layla was right—he wasn't the one for Lovette.
"What are you doing outside, Chris?" The sweet voice of his mother caught him off guard, seemingly offering comfort. She was positioned by the porch, having noticed the door being left open.
Chris rubbed his eyes tiredly. "I messed up Mom."
MaryLou urged him inside, making him sit down in the living room. Chris revealed all that had happened in the last week. Meeting Lovette's friends for the first time, the confrontation with Layla, and how he believed that Mateo had feelings for Lovette.
"I'm scared I'm not good enough for her. Or smart enough. She's a genius, and I can't even spell the word 'twenty' right. And all of her friends are smart too. Mateo is studying to be a physical therapist, and he's her figure skating partner, so there's history there. He—"
"Chris, she chose you," MaryLou began, "She's known Mateo for years, and she chose you. You're the one she's dating. I don't think she cares that you're not the best at spelling. She sees you for who you are, and it breaks my heart that Layla girl is making you feel like you're not good enough."
