Besabriyan

20|TWENTY

Don't mistake it Miss Kamran, just because I chose to not hurt you doesn't mean I'm incapable of hurting you.

His voice and words kept repeating in her mind on her way back to the company and the way his face drained everything he had put so much to bring together was like a knife to her heart. The lunch date with her father was in the pit of hell as she only kept nodding through it before Kamran had to give up and leave. She claimed to love him but she didn't acknowledge the fact that the meet-up could be related to his business. She claimed to love him but she refused to realize that she had chosen knives and claws in order to chase him away. In a spur of a moment, she failed to acknowledge and scratched his wounds.

But her own wounds were opened up and her fears curled around her when she realized he was sitting with a woman who was not her or Noorul Ain. The fear of being lied to, the fear of being betrayed and the fear of being played,  the agony that her mother carried and the trauma she had been bearing since childhood– every one of it came at her as if she was the prey. Her own feelings failed to hold her back and ended up killing him in the process. Maheen Layah Kamran had no rights over him– never had any but the few days that they spent together were the best moments of her life. He made her feel valued, respected and loved.

Don't mistake it, Miss Kamran. Oh but how could she ever mistake it? He was the man who chose to love her willingly the same way he could be the man who could choose to hurt her but she knew he wouldn't. He would remove the traces of his existence before he harmed her. He would remove himself from the face of the earth before he even caused harm to her. The way he looked, the way his face drained of everything, the way the look of hurt crossed his eyes and the way he realized she failed him- she would be grateful if they haunted her in the future. She would be grateful if one day in the future she found him sitting somewhere with Noorul Ain and happy. She would be grateful because the crippling agony was what she deserved after shredding his heart.

Everything in his company suddenly turned frosty as she walked through the entrance, hugging her bag and remembering Anabiya's words. For a random stranger, Anabiya looked way too disappointed in her for what she did to her employer. They happened to meet at the end of the lane as Anabiya waited for a public transport where she told Maheen about how the look in his face told her everything that she needed to pick up from this situation and how unjust Maheen had been to him.

"I was one of the interns in their Lahore branch and worked for them for a year after graduation and since I've moved here with my family, I wanted to ask if I could continue working here."

Her eyes clamped shut as her whole body shuddered and her knees almost liquified. The pain she inflicted on him was of love, lie and betrayal and now of words. She, of all people, knew that she was the last he expected to cut his heart in halves and hand it back to him. If there had been a chance of forgiveness before, there was none now. She had ruined it for herself and for good.

Her head sunk deeper into her palms as she slumped on her chair, rolling it closer to the desk. She wanted to run away so her thoughts could be cleared. The place was too busy and hustling to let her breathe in peace. The floor reminded of him, his bossy strides, his scent and his smile. The man owned the entire company but this floor was his den. The elevator dinged open and her head shot up from her hands to see a glimpse of him, only it wasn't him. There was no repentance until he forgave her. There was no repentance until they were gathered in a room and he found himself not having any lingering feelings for her.