heartless | dreamnotfound

three

| graphic
descriptions

we both dragged ourselves out of the bed, dressed and had some homemade breakfast which mariah had whipped up but after i noticed she was leaning away from me on her phone i prayed to think nothing of it yet i let it linger in my mind, i was quite focused on the television that played some random cable that had roped me in, this went on for too long. i had gone through a whole pack of cigarettes just by relaxing, mariah occasionally getting off her phone to cuddle under my arm or to use the restroom. i did not question her much she did this most days when we were both home. 

it was reaching the night and i had napped for an hour or two but when i had awakened mariah was gone, i lifted myself up slowly and yawned, grunting as my limbs stretched. i mumbled her name softly, dragging my feet down the hallway until i reached our bedroom door that seemed to be pushed open by the slightest, i caught a glimpse of her standing, phone in hand, except she seemed to be taking a selfie from a higher angle.

 i push open the door with my foot fully and lean against the doorframe, a smile on my face, admiring her. she raises her phone and i watch the reflection of her expression on the phone screen when she pulls down the top of her blouse and flashes the camera. my face drops. she doesn't see me, she only continues. my stomach falls out of my torso and my back straightens. chest feeling hollow and stringy. "mariah?" i question with confusion lacing my tone, she flips around covering herself as she rapidly fixes her shirt and puts the phone to her side. "george.." she whispers, face warped in disbelief. 

"its not what it looks like i promise baby i—" she rambles on, "give me the phone." i demand, leaving my palm out suspensefully. i didn't twitch or cry or get angry i was simply just in complete and utter doubt of what i had just seen. my brain blocking out the truth. "george." "give me the phone–!" i raise my voice above its normal tone, eyes beating into her skin as she slowly slips it into my hand; screen warm and still on. 

i scan over what's already being shoved in my face. text messages. normal conversation back and forth from one another, i watch mariah out of the corner of my eye. she's anxious of what i might find leaving me to be curious of what she could be hiding. i scroll through, reading deeper into every word. i felt sick to my stomach, sick down to the bone marrow in my body. i was disgusted and confused. mariah sits on the bed when she stands, i put my hand out knocking her back down onto the comforter. she looks up at me like a lost puppy yet i felt no sympathy. 

the messages included crude conversations between her and some young underaged boy who seemed clueless, i was disappointed to say the least. i couldn't continue reading, i had put the phone down. i couldn't believe i had ever let her lie her grim hands on my skin. we sit in silence, i try to process but my emotions just kept bubbling up my throat. anger controlling my thoughts.

"george look"

"youre fucking disgusting." 

she looks up at me desperate for any sort of compassion. "get me some water please" i shy away, avoiding eye contact, she nods and slowly lifts herself off the bed and disappears around the corner. i stand, no hesitation, as i walk over towards my bedroom drawer. breathing slow and steady; i pull it open and what wraps around my fingers is what i know ill regret the most but i was so mentally challenged with my own mind, so riddled with unhinged anger that takes toll of my hands.

the handle squeezes under my skin, mariah enters the room. glass in hand, i reach for the back of her neck ripping her down onto the floor; water splashes along the broken glass  before i shove her in front of my nightstand, grunting at her body weight whilst she resists. i straddle her waist. teeth clamped onto my bottom lip at her muffled words as i take the sharpness of the blade and glide it across her neck, eyes growing at the gruesome sight.