It's already 7:00 AM in the morning.
When I stepped out of the door, my cousins were here again.
We ate together and I also took a shower.
I didn't want Anna to suddenly arrive and see my sabog na appearance.
"Are you okay, nak?" Mama asked me while I was brushing my hair.
"I'm okay, how about you, Mom?" I asked her in return.
"I'm okay," she replied with a smile.
I went into my room and suddenly burst into tears.
I don't know why, but I wanted to avoid crying.
I feel like they're not thinking about the fact that I only have 6 days left before I disappear.
It feels like they're okay with me disappearing.
Well, they don't have anyone else to take care of now.
Maybe they've gotten too tired of taking care of me.
Suddenly, my phone rang.
"Let's break up." my boyfriend uttered.
"HAAAA?! BAKIT?!! MAY-MAYY NAGAWA BA'KOOO?? MAY-MAY MALII BAAA?? ANO BAAA?!" halo-halong tanong ko sakaniya habang naiiyak.
"Hm, ayos kana pala e. Let's end things! I'm tired of taking care of you. I'm sick and tired for taking care of you, Flea. Naaawa nalang ako sa'yo, that's why I've stayed by your side!"
"Ga-gano'n ba?" humahagulgol kong tanong.
Putanginang buhay 'to. Sawang-sawa na rin ako. Bakit ba ganito?!
Ang malas ko masiyadooo!!!
Bigla kong binaba ang phone at buong gabing umiiyak.
'di ko na alam ang gagawin ko, kung p'wedi lang na mamatay ngayon ginawa ko na.
Since bata ako parang pabigat lang naman ako sa pamilyang 'to e.
I did everything that should be done as a child, but it's not enough.
I work while studying, just so they could be happy for me.
I work while studying, hoping that I could at least feel their proud because I exist.
It was only yesterday that I felt loved by all of them.
It was only yesterday that I felt important to them.
Ngayon?! Ngayonnn?! WALA NA NAMANNN!!!
It's like I don't matter to them again.
It's like everything is okay again.
I know that taking care of me is exhausting.
But??
But why does he stay by my side even when he is struggling??
I didn't beg or force him to love me and take care of me out of obligation.
PUNYETANG BUHAY NGA NAMAN ITOO!!
For more than a year now? I didn't realize that he was already tired.
I thought there was no forcefulness!!
I thought everything was genuine.
I love that guy, you know.
But oh well, haha, everyone got tired of me.
Everyone got tired of me.
Everyone...
