HELL IN HEAVEN | J.JK FF ✔

14. Forbidden

Y O U

Why do you desire to be loved when you can't even love yourself? You see? When you can't love yourself- the self who's seen your worse, has undergone the worst, faced and heard even worse- how can you expect some random stranger to love you endless regardless of your flaws and imperfections?

Isn't that so ridiculous? Our delusional attitude always kept us in shadows, made us a fool, for love.

Well yes, I'm that delusional fool who needs to be loved although I'm more than sure, I could never love myself.

My imperfections, my flaws, my insecurities, my fate, my destiny, my desires, my everything, has me lost in an unavoidable trance.

Okay, get out of the overthinking session, dear self.

Living under the same roof with Jungkook and Taehyung is like you're roaming freely in a wild forest knowing you can be attacked anytime. Cheap safari experience that can cost your precious life.

Both are equally wild, no one beats the other. Each day, they prove me wrong by doing something inhumane and unbelievable. Once, Taehyung poured tomato sauce over Jungkook's tea, who was busing jamming over PowerPuff Girls, just because he didn't cook anything for him. And I think you can smell the consequences already. Jimin had severe trouble breathing that day.

And about university, it's going hectic. The university is still sensitive and hyped over the so called relationship and honestly? It sucks. I never wished my university life out of all to be like this. I thought it as the actual escape but right now it's the only thing I want to escape leaving all that I've, behind.

After last night's incident with the Jimin at the library, my best internal quality volunteered freely to give a better reason for not sleeping all night: over-thinking.

It was so..... mesmerising and nostalgic to even start with. But how could I ever replace such entrancing memories with the one's that reminds me, that I'm cursed?

How can I think of joy when each fiber of my body screams pain in agony? They are too broken to be heard.

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This gigantic library is haunting me. Intoxicating me with it's cherishing moments. Suffocating my cells, for how everything has changed - from how it used to be to how it is - now.

I'm scared to explore furthermore but do I ever listened to myself? I explored each and every corner, but could never reach the end, as if it never had one.

Jimin monitored me and my unpredictable moves which were highly based on the war of thoughts battling in me. Although I respected his terms of restriction, I wonder why he forbid me to go to a particular section, I have no idea about it's label but I remember, it used to be Legends.