one of our songs came on while i was getting dressed this morning. it brought me back to those last moments of us in your car, parked in the collette parking lot after getting pho. when we sat down at the restaurant we both knew how the night was going to end; it was like a ticking time bomb had taken the place of my heart. it wasn't your fault, it wasnt anyones fault, but it sure as hell felt like there was something wrong with me. as i looked into your eyes, mine filling with tears, i felt everything and nothing simultaneously. the memory that struck me the hardest today was when i choked on my words, telling you "but im gonna miss you", and you started to cry, saying that youre going to miss me too. now i no longer mourn the loss of us, but losing my best friend. we both know its not the same right now, and it never will be. nothing is ever the same after a breakup. no matter what we end up deciding when we get back to school, there always be a piece of me that is dedicated solely to you. you were the first person to instill me with confidence and be proud of it, instead of wishing i could tamp myself down. you supported me even if you didnt know exactly how, and i miss the times you were my shoulder to cry on. whenever i need a happy moment, i think of the nights in your room where we would laugh and i would have to catch my breath. or when you put your bed on the floor, and while you were laying on me you laughed while turning to kiss me. the smile on your face lives in my memory, and i think about it everyday. i thought that the passage of time would eventually lead to me falling out of love, or not want to be with you anymore as more than a friend. however, i worry it has had the opposite effect. i want nothing more than to be it for you. this summer has been one of the best of my life, and i have learned so much about myself. i still feel as if there is a small part of me missing, but when i see you in person im filled with the same joy i used to be. so much has happened, and i miss telling you everything even if you werent always listening. i miss you, i miss pho, and i miss your twin bed.
