He had never loved her. Ever. Hadn't she known that? He had actually laughed when he said it to her, with a sneer on his face. And then he had left. Her husband. The only one that she had finally ever trusted and felt safe with. The only one that had known little Zell like she knew little Zell. And now he was gone, and she didn't know if he was ever coming back. And even when he had been here, it had all been some kind of sick joke.
It was impossible. The pain was even greater than during the accident. Then, she had at least had Christian, and he had made it okay. Together they had made little Zayda and it was all going to get better. And now, instead, she only had two very small little girls and nothing else. He had left her here, at their isolated farm, and he had taken all of the money. What on Earth was she supposed to do now? This was intolerable.
How was anyone supposed to be able to deal with something like this and survive it? Christian's very brutal and personal betrayal had stabbed her as deep as a sharp sword, but that didn't make the girls need her any less. So she had to go on for them. She had to keep rocking them, feeding them, smiling at them, loving them, and everything else she had to do on the farm. She knew they wouldn't last long here without any money or help, but she saw no way out either. The last thing she wanted was to be cooped up with her mother right now. She didn't want to have to be around anyone and talk and explain and listen to those unbearable platitudes everyone seemed so compelled to tell grieving parents. So she just worked, sobbed, stepped up with all she had for those babies, and tried to think of something. She was a survivor, but she really didn't know how to survive this.
