𝐒𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐬

𝟎𝟔

trigger warning:
self harm

Ja'kori hissed at the burning sensation that came from the sharp razor coming in contact with his skin. He watched the blood trickle down his arm in silence as a tear fell down his cheek ever so gently.

Ja'kori had relapsed.

Even though he had only been clean for two weeks that was a big accomplishment for him seeing that he had been struggling with self harm for the past year. He couldn't wrap his mind around it either.

Ja'kori had nothing to be sad about, he had a loving family, amazing friends, good grades, he got everything he wanted even if it took his parents awhile.

Yet he still had this longing sense of sadness inside of him. It was like once he was only his thoughts would takeover and he would be left to fend for himself.

His mind was a depressing place.

If he was sad, mad, overwhelmed, his first thought would be to self harm because even though he knew it was bad and as sick as it sounded it felt good to him, it was as if once a cut was made all that built up emotion and pressure came flowing out. He could finally breathe.

That's all he wanted was the ability to breathe.

When he was done he would look at his arm and grow frustrated all over again. He didn't understand why he couldn't stop.

He felt like such an embarrassment.

His mother was so big on self-esteem and self love why couldn't he love himself?

Ja'kori stood up from the bathroom floor and ran his hands down his face as he caught a glimpse of himself in the bathroom mirror.

Thanksgiving was in two days and he looked a mess.

Besides his hair being done he hadn't eating a proper meal in 3 days nor had he been drinking a proper amount of water. His skin was pale and dry, his eyes had small circles around them because of the lack of sleep, Ja'kori struggled with insomnia, some days he'd sleep like a baby but that was rare most days he'd be up till 5-6 in the morning, his thoughts kept him awake at night.

Ja'kori grabbed the first aid kit from underneath the bathroom sink and did this usual cleaning to his wounds, wiping off any excess blood with a damp paper towel, and wiping that off with an alcohol wipe, he grabbed a bandaid and placed it over the series of small cuts.

Once done he cleaned up his mess, put the first aid kit back, and turned off the light and shut the door to his shared bathroom before entering his bedroom.

Ja'kori laid on his bed as he pulled his phone out of his hoodie pocket he read the time 3:42 am.

He also went through his notifications

3 messages from Tatianna
2 messages from Kalia
1 notification from Youtube
1 message from Salem

He went to the messages app on his phone quickly responding to Kalia's message, he glanced at Tatianna's seeing it was 3 long paragraphs about how she loved him but didn't like how close he and Salem had been getting.

Ja'kori text her back telling her to come over the next day so they could talk even though deep down he was tired of talking about the girl.