What You Don't See (wlw)

[17] Supermarkets Scare Me

Amy

The memories came flooding back to me approximately twenty seconds after I opened my eyes the morning after. We'd kissed; I'd kissed Verity. And it was something I'd entirely wanted. I would say I was surprised but in reality the signs of my developing crush were all there - wanting to be close all the time, appreciating her loveliness, and, well, thinking about how nice she always smells a little too often. It was safe to say the alcohol had definitely sped up my realisation but I couldn't deny the feelings for her were there. I liked her - cared about her - as more than a friend.

I'd had crushes in the past but nothing that turned into anything real. I nearly ended up in a relationship a year ago with a guy in my old school - Charlie - but he turned out to be a bit of a dick. I'd never had a crush on a girl, but my crush on Verity didn't feel shocking to me... it just felt natural; it felt warm. I'd kissed her and she'd kissed me back. She liked me back. It made me want to jump out of bed and run around the house. She wanted me.

"Hey," I rolled over to face her side of the bed. For obvious reasons, Verity had opted to stay over at mine instead of going home pissed.

"Oh, hi." I was used to her sounding nervous but that didn't mean I liked it.

"How are you feeling?"

"Err... well my throat currently feels like the Sahara Desert but yeah, overall I'm okay." She laughed and I smiled back. I could feel her eyes on my face.

"That's normal don't worry. We can go down, get some water and..." I didn't know how to phrase it and the words got caught up in my throat. It took me a few moments "and talk about last night?"

"last night?" I felt her perk up, scared. "I...err... I mean..."

"I mean we don't have to," I added hurredly, sensing the sudden tension "I just thought..."

"I don't..." I felt her leave the bed with a big jolt and then heard the shifting of fabric... her getting changed. "I really think I should go home, I just ... have a headache and my mother will be expecting me back." She added a quick 'sorry' before leaving, practically running down the stairs and out of the house.

Fuck. I said the word aloud, my head in my hands. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.

I had gotten her drunk and kissed her. It was a stupid selfish drunk kiss; it was absolutely nothing. It had pushed me right into the deep end of feelings but to her it was a mistake. A mistake that could have possibly cost our friendship. I shook my head roughly, wanting to expel the thoughts out of my brain. The whole thing made me want to just stay in my room and never leave again. I'd gotten it so wrong, and now there was nothing I could do to fix it.

"Amy?"

"Jesus Dylan, haven't you heard of knocking?" I wiped my eyes quickly and tried to paste the most convincing smile I could muster on my face.

"Sorry." There were a few seconds of silence before he spoke again "Are you okay?"

"Yeah I'm fine, why?" I furrowed my eyebrows.

"Just bored." I could sense the shrug in his voice "thought maybe we could watch something?"

"Yeah sure." Admittedly, with spending so much time at school and with Verity, I'd been neglecting my brother. He'd been doing a lot with his friend group as well, but I still felt guilty about it.

We descended the stairs together, taking seats on the couch. Dylan put on some documentary about an octopus and it started feeling more and more like old times when we used to do this sort of thing almost bi-weekly. We used to have pacts on certain series where we couldn't cheat and watch ahead of the other person. Had I become a bad person? The feeling overwhelmed me suddenly and the knots in my stomach grew. Was I just ruining all my relationships with people who cared about me? Was I letting them all down? My eyes pin-pricked and then all of a sudden I could feel the hot tears streaming down my face.