Tripped

•03.

TW: Mention of  Suicide

"No need to deny it Liliene. You know what I'm talking about. I-I, I just need you to tell me all in honestly. I want to know everything that happened after your parents died."

"From begging to end. No more secrets Liliene."

Nanginginig ako sa takot dahil ayuko nang balikan yun. Matagal ko nang binaon yun sa isipan ko at wala na akong planong ibalik pa yon. Those are my nightmare. Those memories now are considered to my nightmare.

It was hard for me. It was never really easy like I expected to be.

My therapist says, I am healed. I am okay and so I should be okay. But, hearing of what Riguel talking about. I feel like, I was never healed and everything seems to be coming back which it should not be.

Umiling ako kay Riguel. Hindi ko kayang sabihin sa kaniya at kailanma'y  hindi ako magiging handa para ikwento sa kaniya.

He smiled sadly at me.

"Do I have to kneel Liliene?" His voice broke.

Nangilid ang aking mga luha. Hindi ko kaya.

I slowly sat down in front of him and cried helplessly.

"I, I-I can't Riguel." My tears poured out.

Suddenly, I feel Riguel embrace. As he held me tightly, my tears didn't not stop to flowed on my cheeks. I slanted my face on his neck and clutch his shirt chest.

"You can Liliene. I know you can." He shush me while my tapping my head.

I look up at him and shook my head to him. I waited for his reply, but he just kissed my forehead and hug me tightly again.

Hindi ko alam kung ilang minuto na kaming nakaupo habang yakap-yakap namin ang isa't-isa. Pero, tuyo na ang aking mga luha ngunit nanginginig parin ang aking balikat. Habang, pinapakalma ang aking sarili I realized that Riguel needs to know. Hindi ko man alam kung paano sisimulan pero kailangan malaman ni Riguel dahil alam kong may karapatan din siyang malaman yun.

After, finally calming myself. I left his embrace and started walking around to our balcony. I stare at the night sky. The glow of the night is strange. Beautiful yet bizarre. Staring at it, I was wondering if that was Yeshua.

I miss him.

"After, Mom's dead. I-I started losing hope in everything Riguel. I was depressed. I'm always locked in my room. All I can think is my Mom hanging on our living room. I-I, I can hear people in my head telling me to disappear just like them and so after that I-I, I-I took the knife that was placed in the plate holder. At first, I was scared Riguel but then I manage to cut my wrist."

At that moment, I faced Riguel and smiled at him.