Tripped

•04.

"But it did not happened Riguel, because when I was about to cut it, Nicholas came. He saw me, sitting on our dinner area holding knife, targeting  my wrist where I find my Mom died in that spot coming to a realization that I was going next." While my voice broke, my heart ache. It hurts. It really hurts.

I am lucky that Nicholas came that time. Kasi, kung hindi for sure wala na rin ako ngayon. He helped me throughout my healing days. He was there for me even if I know he have more important things to do than to babysit me. He-he was my second brother that I look up to. Nicholas is a great man, he's gentle and kind in all ways that you will never expect.

I could say that Nicholas gave me the second chance to look in the beauty of the universe that will offered to me someday and this part is this. I owe Nicholas my second life. I owe it to him. Yet, attending therapist made me understand that Yeshua is part of my healing process too. He will always be my part. No matter what.

Reminiscing our memories helped me to overcome all of the anxious feeling of my heart. He healed some parts of my trauma. He healed me. So, I'm thankful for him.

"He helped to go to therapist and not long ago, I was healed. I am healed now Riguel." I stare and smile genuinely at him. He did not smile back though, but he held my stare.

"Following that month where my therapist says that I was better. Suki found out and Nicholas told her about it. That's why, Suki is always paranoid whenever she see my crying, because she thought I was depressed again. Even if, I told her countless time that she's does not need to worry. Despite that, she still worry about me that I appreciate."

Kasi, alam ko iniisip niya lang yung kapakanan ko.

Guardedly, I walk to his side. I looked up at him
and then carefully put my hands on his neck.

"I'm sorry Riguel, I keep my secrets to you. I-I was just  afraid. Not to you okay, I was afraid of myself. Na baka kapag sinabi ko sayo, kawaan moko at ayukong mangyari yun Riguel."

He did not say anything. He just stare at me. He doesn't not have expression. He stare blankly at me and it bothered me.

Was he mad at me? Ito na ba yung time na iiwan niya na ako kasi nagsasawa na siya sakin? No. It can't be. Pls. Pls, it's can't be.

Hindi ko kakayanin. Mababaliw ako.