there's no teardrop, you can count on me tonight STEM x GAS
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kicean and blaire
• • •
I am afraid of losing someone. Not the break-up kind of loss but losing like you are sleeping peacefully but suddenly awakened by your parents' pained voice saying that someone is gone. Then you... You'll just close your eyes, hug your pillow, and force yourself that it was just a dream— a nightmare to be specific. You'll then beg God to end that dream because it's hurting you. He heard you. You fell asleep.
But it didn't end there.
You woke up. There was no dream. Your mom went to you, a saddened expression on her face. She sat beside your bed, her voice almost shaky. You began feeling nervous and nervous and nervous and nervous—
"P-patay na si Kuya mo Karl."
I was hurt.
But the first thing that came to my mind was the image of Ate Violet, my closest cousin, and his girlfriend. If we are sad by the news, what more to her? They were lovers, besties, family, partners in crime... All kinds of relationships were them. I can't help but be hurt for her, his sibling, his parents... All people who were close to him.
That day, we all grieved. Kuya Karl was not just Ate Violet's boyfriend. For the two years that he was with us, he became part of our family. He contributed to the happiness and chaos that our family already had. With those parties and stories that we shared, I can even call him my cousin already. Now that he's gone... I don't think we can celebrate events like the same before. He became attached to us, in good and bad ways.
I can't open my social media because of this. I am afraid to face the reality. I am afraid of the fact that I lost someone. I don't even know how to deal with this... It was my first time.
"I still can't believe that Karl is gone, nandito pa siya kahapon, e. Nagkwewentuhan pa kami," cried Mama. I stared at her.
It was true. Nandito pa kahapon si Kuya Karl, pinag-usapan pa nga namin siya ni Lola noong kami ay kumakain ng halo-halo. My Lola said that I should be careful in eating that cold thing because after Kuya Karl ate that, he became sick. I was even shock of how sensitive that was.
"Mag-eemcee pa siya sa birthday mo, Blaire. Pero iniwan na niya tayo," my grandmother added. Few weeks from now will be my 18th birthday, and it was planned that he'll be my emcee because of his comedic gestures and lines. Pero, isang gabi lang ay nawala na lahat 'yon.
An hour can change everything— the reality wherein you can never do a thing about it.
"H-he seems unhappy... And not ready," I told Ate Aki, the sister of Ate Violet. Pumunta kami sa bahay nina Kuya Karl to visit him. Ang sakit palang makitang wala nang buhay 'yong mga minsang nakasama mo sa kasiyahan.
