𝚂𝚃𝙰𝚁𝙳𝚄𝚂𝚃 (𝙹𝚎𝚗𝚗𝚒𝚎𝚡𝙵𝚎𝚖!𝚁𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚎𝚛)

9

Chapter 9:
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There are individuals who are willing to give up everything for the sake of love

You had never been so anxious, felt so much fear, you could clearly hear each of your heavy and deep breaths and the only thing that was drowning them out was the loud beating of your heart in your ears. It was almost impossible to stand and be the centre of attention as you held back at the pain in your fingers every time you drew the bow, holding the string against your lips and taking aim. You hissed right after releasing, flailing your hand before looking to see the blood slowly starting to spill. You shouldn't be here, it was too much and you couldn't breathe properly, it felt so uncomfortable and you've had tears in your eyes since you got here. It didn't feel real as you dissociated, it was out of your control and it had been happening ever since that night. You wouldn't feel really like you weren't part of your body and were watching a movie from the first perspective. It was making everything so much harder as your coach Mrs Kim would talk to you while you couldn't understand a word she would say most of the time and just nodded. You barely made it to the quarter-finals, the heat wasn't helping and you didn't have the guts to remove the zip-up hoodie of your gym uniform.

You were so uncomfortable. The state your mind was in, the clothes, the eyes, your body's functioning, the weather, and the pressure was crushing you, all of these things were making you uncomfortable and more. "Why are you crying? What's up with you today?" Mrs Kim spoke, her voice stern yet filled with confusion as you were standing beside her waiting for the other girl who was drawing her bow. "I'm not." You said with a sniffle, quickly wiping at your eyes with your fingers trembling in pain. Your eyes looked over the small crowd of people which probably consisted of around 50 people, but you couldn't concentrate enough to find Jennie as Mrs Kim continued to talk. "There are talent scouts here, this is a big opportunity for you and your future, don't you dare waste that Y/n. You barely made it to the quarterfinals and fourth place is not acceptable." You didn't want to get scouted, you didn't even want to be here, you thought you did because you would be able to impress your parents for once, but you knew that it was all for them and not for you.

Getting scouted would be a nightmare and you dismissed your coach as it was your turn again, last turn and you had to at least get ten to win this set and this game altogether. You had 20 and she had 29, you needed the bullseye which usually wasn't a problem as you got it your last two turns, this was the last set. Best out of five sets and it was somehow a tie as your other four sets were horrible for your schools standards. This last set could be a way to make up for every other that had been full of 7 and 9s. You felt like a disgrace again as you took your position with your lips trembling, doing your best to still your fingers and to ignore all the pain in your body as you felt everything crumble. Just once you wanted them to feel proud of you, if you could only win against this girl and get into the semi-finals. You would possibly be able to make your parents proud, your dad would tell you good job and your mum would hug you, Soo-ah would maybe even smile at you. Your eyes closed to rid of the tears that blurred your vision as you held the string drawn back against your lips before opening your eyes again to release the arrow.

Jennie could see from the bleachers how you were barely holding on, she could see it from afar and she wished she had been able to convince you to skip it, but she understood how you felt. Jennie had done the same, she had tried to push limits all her life just to get her parent's attention or validation, to have them look at her and feel proud- she stopped after turning 18 and realising she would never get it. She knew how much this meant to you because you had the chance to get their love even if you should be getting it every day whether you won competitions or not. Another thing she knew was that this meant something to your parents as they had closed the restaurant today just to come and watch you. They weren't here for support, they were here because they expected you to win otherwise they wouldn't have shown up. This was something they knew you were extraordinary at and so they came to see you win, but if they could have seen you from Jennie's perspective they would see how extraordinary you were at so many more things than just archery. You were an amazing and loving human being that deserved all the love yet got the bare minimum from everyone, but Jennie tried her best to give you enough for those who lacked.