Voice Of An Angel || Bill Kaulitz

n i n e t e e n

 I can't help but burst into tears as soon as we sit down. Bill pulls me into his arms, and I cry my eyes out.

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It's been a couple days since the concert where Bill and I told our secret. We've gotten tons of backlash and lost the ability to go anywhere outside of the hotel. Paparazzi is at an all-time high. Bill and I have spent most of our downtime hanging with the band and cuddling. Today, Bill's been slightly distant, but I don't blame him. It's been pretty hard on both of us.

Georg, Gustav, and I are hanging out in the hotel's lounge. We just finished an action movie Georg put on the TV. It was pretty good, but I'm starving now. I think I'm going to get food. Gustav is clicking through the TV's channels, so I stand up without saying anything. 

"Hey, where are you going?" Georg asks, "We were gonna put something else on."

"Sorry, boys, but I'm hungry out of my mind. I'm going out to get food. Want anything?" I respond, talking louder than I need to.

"I'm good, Gustav?" Georg says, elbowing Gustav.

"I don't want anything," Gustav says, still fumbling with the remote. I nod and wave to them before heading to my hotel room. I bend the card in my hands as I step towards the door. When I open the door, Bill is fast asleep on the bed. Careful not to wake him, I rummage through my bag and find my wallet. 

Despite my very loud searching, Bill continued sleeping on the bed. His face is buried in a pillow, and his chest rises and falls with each breath. The scene makes me think about my life only a few months ago.

I was nervous about singing in a small bar. I didn't think I was ever going to love someone again. I spent nights worrying about my mom making enough money to pay rent. But now—now I'm getting comfortable singing in front of thousands of people. I'm dating the most loving man I've ever met. I mean, for fuck's sake, I would marry this man. If you had told me a couple months ago that I'd be making thousands of dollars every time I performed, I would've laughed. 

I start tearing up, my emotions ripping away at me. I take a shaky breath and wipe my eyes, laughing slightly at myself. Bill is still asleep somehow. Sometimes, I think he's dead because of how heavy of a sleeper he is.

I quietly stumble out of my room and head to Tom's. I shouldn't even be going out. I need someone with me, and Tom is the only option. His room is right down the hall, so after 30 seconds, I'm knocking on his door. I stand there until I hear someone fumbling at the door.

Tom opens the door and asks, "What do you want?" I think there's someone in his room because I can hear some girl's giggles. Tom also doesn't have his shirt on, and his fly isn't zipped.

"First of all, gross. Secondly, I need someone to come get food with me," I answer, sighing heavily, "But clearly you're busy." Tom shakes his head and makes a strange gesture.

"I'll come. Give me five minutes," Tom groans, rubbing his eyes.

"Okay," I say, and he starts to close the door, "By the way, your fly's down." I can hear Tom sigh as he slams the door shut. I stand outside his door and wait as patiently as I can, leaning my head against the wall. I hear lots of rustling inside Tom's room, which I assume is him putting clothes on. He's talking to the girl in his room. I can't determine many words, but I think the girl is begging him to stay. Girl, even I'm not that desperate. The door opens again.

Tom, dressed in his usual outfit, stumbles out of his room. He's wearing his ridiculously baggy jeans and an even baggier t-shirt. Most importantly, he's managed to put all of his dreads into a hat. "Sorry," Tom mutters, "She wouldn't let me leave." I roll my eyes and start walking towards the elevator.