Chances

Chapter 13 - Apologizing

I remember reading a quote in a very famous book. "You don't have a soul. You are a soul. You have a body." It's written by C.S. Lewis. It's true. You spend your time growing old and learning new things, but all that you learn, it goes to your body. It reminds me of a SIM Card. You save all of your information on the phone, and the SIM card just makes it work. Granted, you can save a few things onto your SIM, but you can also save it to your soul. Love isn't something attached to a body. Love is attached to a soul. So is happiness, and sadness, and grief, and regret. They come with the soul, not the body. I felt like I didn't have a soul or a body.

I also remember reading another quote. "Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened" by Dr. Seuss. I felt like smiling because it was over, and crying because it happened. You may be reading this, and saying, 'What the hell is happening', because I know that's how you must feel, but there was something about the fact that I spent about a month with my parent's murderer, and I did nothing about it.

I was paralyzed. Whether it was because of shock, or anger, or guilt, but I was frozen still. I knew they were talking to me, my ears were working fine. It was my brain which wasn't. It felt like it had just taken a nap on me.

When it finally realized that I was in a time of need, it started waking up, slowly but surely.

I had been living in the same house as my mother's murderer. Oh my God. This was like a horribly cheesy 80's horror movie.

"Zoe? Are you okay?" I could finally hear them calling my name, and waving hands in front of my face.

"Why aren't you at work?" I asked, my voice trembling and shaky. It didn't take a genius to figure out that I didn't know what to say.

"Holiday." They all said in unison. I nodded my head.

"Nate," I turned to face the responsible one out of our group. "I need to talk to you. Alone." He nodded and grabbed my elbow, helping me walk to the door. Alex, Adrian, and Tyler where all talking in hushed whispers as we walked. The door slammed shut, and I continued walking down the stairs with Nate.

It took us about ten minutes to finally reach the bottom step, in a heavy dry mess of deformity. We were completely silent as we walked to Nate's Toyota. He helped me in, before going to his side. I had no idea where we were going, but I figured he knew just perfectly.

The trees passed by in a blur as we drove. The scenery soon changed from parks and small town-school's to restaurants and gated communities.

Pulling into a cute little out-door shopping area parking lot, we walked into a small hole-in-the-wall restaurant. Jay-Jay's was written in red and orange letters above the door as we walked in. The place was a pizza parlor with a 'pick and decorate yourself' theme. The wallpaper looked old, based on the fact that it had more scratches than the trunk of my Pala. The walls were crème with red polka-dots scattered all over. The dots were lined in orange. All the booths were covered in red leather, and the tables looked like cheap wood, but it was okay.

Nate seated me at one of the tables, and stood back up. He clasped his hands together.

"What do you want?" His tone was soft as if he was scared he would break. And for once, I wasn't entirely sure I wouldn't. "Pepperoni?" He offered. I nodded, briskly, and went back to staring at my hands.

I was going to tell him. I was going to tell him the truth, and beg that he doesn't kill me with his table fork. I could already see the headlines on the paper 'brother kills sister at hole-in-the-wall restaurant with knife... by stabbing her in the eye. Repeatedly.' It made me shiver. All too quickly, he was back with a delicious looking large pizza slice with the little pink circles placed all over. It made me sick. But I took small nibbles out of it anyways. He seemed to be having the same problem. His pizza slice was covered in meat and vegetables and everything that he always got.