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you dug my heart a grave

Fluff

He's laying there, groaning and in pain and clutching his ribs, but even worse—

[Really? Is it really worse? Give it a good, hard think and tell me if this is worse.]

—but even worse, sparks are flying. Literally.
Or: Wade realizes that Spidey is his soulmate.

—————-

Wade never meant to fall in love with Spider-Man.

Why would he? That's just asking to be hurt, and speaking as someone who can survive every kind of pain imaginable, Wade has learned his limits. Losing a limb is one thing, but heartbreak is the kind of pain that even his insanely advanced healing factor can't fix.

[Mental pain. The one thing you aren't immune from!]

It was immediately obvious that Spidey was the kind of dude Wade could easily fall in love with. This was way back when, a whole three years ago, and Spidey had webbed Wade's hands to a brick wall, katanas and all. Dude, what's that cat ever done to you? he'd said, having walking in on Wade about to turn said cat into a shish kabob.

At precisely that moment, the shapeshifter Wade had been chasing turned back into a human, bonked Spidey on the head, and escaped from the alley. Wade and Spidey had chased her down together, and the rest was history. They breezed past the awkward stage of I'm a hero and you're a mercenary, so I kind of don't trust you and landed squarely in the category of somehow you've charmed me with your flawless wit and addictive personality, so I'll let you tag along on patrols and occasionally sit on your couch and watch trashy reality TV.

None of this is to say that Wade isn't attracted to the guy. That's a given. Webs is a sexy dude, even if Wade's only ever seen him from nose to chin.

[Like you could judge someone for their looks.]

{He could judge a fat person?}

"That's fatphobic," Wade says.

"What's fatphobic?" Spidey says, jumping sideways just in time to avoid a truck that barrels into the building behind them. Fortunately, there's no driver in the truck, but unfortunately, the man who threw it is now charging at them.

"Judging Rhino for being so big."

Spidey laughs, grabbing Wade by the arm and webbing them both to the top of a lamppost. Spidey balances on the very top, crouching in his classic Spidey pose on that little nub at the end of the pole—

{Ha, nub.}

[What's funny about nub?]

{It's just a funny word. Nub. Nub nub nub.}

—meanwhile Wade sits on the arm that extends from the pole, where the light is actually fixated.

"Rhino's muscular, not fat," Spidey says wisely. "Not that it matters. Either way, he's a villain."

"Hear that? Skinny and fat people can be evil."

"And muscular people," Spidey adds. "Don't get me wrong — he's huge — he's just not fat."

Anyway. Wade's been attracted to Webs the whole time, but he's been very deliberate about not falling in love with him. This train stops at infatuation station, thank you very much.

At least, it did.

The battle with Rhino gets out of hand. Sparing public property has never been one of Rhino's priorities, but maybe Webs teases him with just one quip too many, because out of nowhere, his rage doubles. Wade is across the street, having been headbutted there moments before and currently healing a broken spine for his efforts, when Rhino hefts a taxi into the air and chucks it toward a crowd of bystanders. They're just about to figure out what it means to kiss a bumper when Webs swings into the fray like the thankless, idiotic hero he is.