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"How's it Hanging?"

Fluff

The first words your Soulmate, Heartmate, says to you are permanently written on your skin. Wade Wilson thinks he's funny for his first words.

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"How's it hanging?"

That's the fateful words his Soulmate will say to him. Kind of a generic open-liner, but Wade Wilson could not escape the fondness that bloomed in his chest when he thought of his Soulmate. The thought of what his quippy response would be to his Soulmate had gotten him through some of the toughest things a human can experience, before they become a monster that is. He knew he was hardly human.

[You don't have a soul, there can't be a Soulmate.]

(Okay? Heartmate. Our heart will never stop beating entirely, so no biggie.)

[You're insufferable.]

Wade ignored the boxes, which was easier considering that they weren't yelling at him to blow his brains out. His fingers grazed over his collarbone, touching leather that covered the small black words on his textured skin. It had worried him to death that the scars would have covered the words, and the scientists would have had a lot more brutal deaths if it did.

To be perfectly honest, Wade Winston Wilson was not a patient person. He had been alive for a whopping 35 years, much to his distaste, and hadn't met his fated person. He was just so bored. Good thing he had a bunch of supers whose days he was gonna ruin.

(Maybe the real Heartmate was the friends we made along the way.)

[What friends?]

"What do y'all say, stealthily break into the Stark Tower," Wade paused as he put his Deadpool mask on, "or go in gun blazing?"

(UH- Hello? Is that even a question!? Guns and blades and grenades!)

[We did bring our lucky grenades today.]

"Bang-boom-pow it is, as the Insane Clown Posse would say."

And without any hesitation Wade Wilson, the known mercenary Deadpool, was crashing into Stark Tower. He had used a grapple hook gun, because they are so cool, to swing himself right into the window of one of the middle floors.

"Hello Daddy! Hello Mom!" Wade's voice belted out as he grabbed one of grenades from his utility belt and ripping the pin out of it. "I'm your ch-ch-ch-ch cherry bomb!"

And with that he threw the grenade into the crowd of scientists, who all immediately flee for cover before it explodes. Wade continued, grabbing another grenade as he raised his voice, "Hello World! I'm your wild girl! I'm your ch-ch-ch-ch cherry bomb!!"

There were alarms blaring wildly, dust hung in the air, but there was no second explosion. Instead, Wade noticed that the bomb had been wrapped tightly with webs. How were webs able to do that? Well he was in a room full of big-time nerds, he wouldn't put it past them to make some spider capable of shitting steel.

God, he hated scientists.

(Easy solution: kill them all!) Yellow's voice was elated at the idea, and Wade felt himself considering it.

He didn't have much time to consider though, because, before he knew it, he was upside-down. Webs had wrapped around his ankles before stringing him up like a piñata and wrapping more webs around his body. Well, he was rendered immobile.

(Spider-man! It wasn't the nerds with webs, Spider-man is here!)

[Why's he here? He isn't an Avenger, right?]

Wade shrugged.

Suddenly the masked face of Spider-man was in front of Deadpool's own mask, both of them upside-down. Wade looked at how easily the super managed to hold himself in such a position and opened his mouth to make a very, very appropriate comment. But he was interrupted.

"How's it hanging?"

Wade Winston Wilson felt his stomach churn. Whatever words he said next could probably be on Spider-man's body. Spider-man could be his Heartmate. God, Spider-man looked good. Wade couldn't tell if his stomach churning was from being upside down, faced with his possible Heartmate, faced with the Spider-man, or because he was becoming aroused.

"9.4 inches, hard, uncut, hex codes-" Wade had said quickly before he was interrupted by Spider-man literally fucking falling to the floor out of shock.

"Spider-man?" The voice of Tony Stark broke into the silence.

Fuck, Wade didn't even notice that the Avengers had literally assembled in this laboratory. Or that the room was empty of alarms, nerds, and dust. There was absolutely no structural damage. What the fuck did he make his walls out of?

But, man, Spider-man looked hot as hell when he defensively put himself between Deadpool and the Avengers. The best part? His back was to Deadpool, giving him a view of that sweet ass and the fact that this implied he was defending Deadpool.

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Published on Ao3 by: Obscuredlovers