spideypool oneshots

Not Jealous

FLUFF

Deadpool navigates his not-so-platonic feelings towards his close friend.

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Deadpool by all accounts, was not a jealous person, or lover. When his wife cheated on him he wasn't even surprised to be quite honest. Hell, he was willing to share, polyam is the future after all. She did it to make him jealous though, so asking if he can join only angered her. Well, he never was good at picking on the social cues.

He hadn't even noticed when Spidey started to slip away from him. Speaking of, Wade just saw him. With a redhead babe. He hasn't forgotten Spider-Man's brooding sessions after his divorce, in fact he remembered concerning amount of details. Peter's pathetic sobbing, the way everything reminded him of her, how they both got shit faced and made out and then they needed to stop because Spidey threw up.

Ah, memories...

Wade adjusted his binoculars. It must be either the legendary heartbreaker or the poor guy tried to recreate the experience. What a creep.

But if Peter did decide to come back to his ex (who he previously left with no explanation like a coward) what does it mean to what they developed?

He missed being divorce buddies. Just two guys complaining about their love life while eating take out on a top of a building, what's better than that. Having a wife apparently.

Wade thought he got used to always being a second option, but the emotional turmoil he was going through right now proved otherwise.

It just wasn't fair that he got abandoned for a cisheteronormative monogamous relationship AGAIN. The writers really do hate him.

But maybe, just maybe he was also to blame. It's not like he was that explicit with his romantic intentions. He has made many sexual innuendos sure, he flirted at any given occasion, he deliberately chose the corniest pick up lines yes. But when it comes to bro on bro action, the other party often tends to be dense.

Shit, what if Spidey didn't even like men? Wade always forgets not everyone swings in every possible direction. Or even worse, he did like men but didn't consider Wade attractive. Fuck.

Yeah why would he want to get it on with a guy resembling a rasin.

I mean it didn't really stop all those other people from trying.

Despite not being conventionally attractive, Wade did have lots of sex. The likes of which the spider couldn't even imagine. He was far from being the kinkiest person around but he was always open to trying new things with his partners.

He doesn't know when he started to pace around the roof that he chose as his hiding place.
Spider-Man and his girlfriend weren't even around anymore. Good. Wade couldn't bear to look at them any longer.

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"How was the date Romeo?"

"Wha-?" Confusion was clear even through the webbed mask. " What date? Did you follow me again?"

" Silence wench. You got back to your wife?"

The other man's eyelenses narrowed.

" Right now we're trying to come back to being friends."

" This is how it starts, its a slippery slope. That is like the only instance where it actually happens and isn't just smth that paranoid losers tell themselves to justify their shitty behavior."

"You sound a little paranoid there Wade"

"Are you calling me a loser?"

"Listen. Even if we did got back together. It's not like I'm going to cut you off from my life. Unless you'll do something stupid." He stated matter-of-factly, like it was obvious.

It's jover. We're doing something stupid all the time.

"How stupid?"

"Like very stupid. Dumb even."

"It's tough being a silly guy these days..." Wade sighed dramatically. He could swear he saw Spidey roll his eyes, even though his face was completely hidden.

You're going to mess this up for sure.

His good and, totally not only, friend looked almost guilty. No it wasn't guilt. Pity? Yeah that's more like it.

"Hey... Wanna grab take out? I can treat you this time."

"No need babyboy, I know you're broke." He grabbed Spidey's shoulder to emphasize his next sentence. "Daddys got you."

"Ok. First-thank god, second-ew." He pretended to gag.

They quickly found themselves at the edge of the roof.

"Piggyback ride pretty please?" Wade asked before the other man could swing away.

"Don't you have a grappling hook that you specifically purchased so you could do that? Also like a literal teleportation device thingy?"

"Broken."

"Both of them"

"...yes."

"You're heavy though."

"Well you're strong. You look lithe but i saw you lift a car. I mean you used to look lithe. Now you're sporting a dad bod. Without having kids. Which is ironic. Because, you know, you and MJ-

"OKAY! I heard enough."

"Piggyback?" Asked the merc lightheartedly, already knowing the answer.

A defeated sigh could be heard over the wind. "Piggyback."

Bullying works!

"Can we get something else than mexican food this time?" The audacity.

"Sure. But only if you pay for it."

"Mexican it is."
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Original creator on ao3: Dalewoj