Late Night Thoughts

Dear future family,

Sometimes when I think about the future I wonder how my past will effect it.
Like what will I tell my future kids if I accidentally explode over small things,
Because that's what they did to me.
How will I explain to my husband that saying I love you won't be a everyday thing,
It may not even happen.
How will I explain to my kids that mommy finds it hard to get out of bed,
Due to the shut they put in my head.
How will I explain to my family that I'm not used to family dinners,
Because it's not something we ever had.
What will I tell them when the find out holidays aren't my thing,
Because I haven't had a good one since 2013,
They were usually full of fighting.
How will I explain to my kids why mommy can't sleep well at night,
Because I spent that time over thinking.
How will I explain that I may not be perfect or even okay,
But I'm trying my best to not be like the rest.
To break the generational curse that was put upon my family.
How will I explain that mommy may not be able to tell you she loves you in words all the time,
But she will try to show you the best she can.
How will I explain to my husband that I may try to give up but please,
Please don't give up on me.