We're Crashing and Burning

Cas / Dean

Day 1: surgery.

Day 2: recovery.

Day 3: he crashed again.

Day 4: more surgery.

Day 5: medical induced coma.

Day 6: still asleep.

He's only woken up a few times, and even when he did it was so short and he would start hyperventilating. The doctors said it was probably just nightmares, but what about? And how could a nightmare be so bad it caused your heart to stop yet again? After the second surgery they put him in a medically induced coma to prevent further damage to his heart, lungs, and head.

I missed him so much. His body was here, but he was not. His hands were cold and you couldn't see his eyes light up the way they did when we were together.

Over the past few days only me and Sammy were the only ones who showed up. Sammy went home every night, but I stayed. I didn't want him to wake up alone. One day before Sammy left, we went out front and talked.

"Why hasn't your father come to see Dean?" I asked, rather mad at the fact he wouldn't come see his own son.
Sammy looked down to his shoes, then up and over towards the road. He looked like he could cry.
"Dean can tell you."
His voice was stiff, like Dean's had been that one time.
"Bye, Cas." And the he was off, and I was alone with the empty shell of my boyfriend who I would do anything for it he'd just wake up.

----

It'd been a week since he'd last woke up. It was a new normal to just sit here and hold his hand, telling him all about the surrounding world as if he'd respond. The outside life felt so distant as if it were a fragment of a dream I could barely recall.

Every once in awhile I'd have to go home to clean myself up.

"Why don't you stay and get some rest?" Gabriel asked.

I thought about this. I couldn't rest here because my peace of mind is with Dean. But Gabriel wouldn't understand that. He being as old as Sam, I'd be surprised if either one of them could grasp the concept of home not always being a place, but a person with a steady heart beat and a tight embrace.

"I can't stay here with him there alone." And I started brushing my hair.

"But Cas you need sleep."

I'm starting to get annoyed at all of my family's concerns. I know they mean well but if the person they loved was dead to the world, they'd want to stay there with them till they could see their eyes sparkle again.

"I'll sleep at the hospital where Dean is."

"Fine then I'm coming with you." Gabriel says, putting his foot down to prove his point. I want to object, but this is easier than arguing with him on my need to stay here.

"Fine."
----
"So this is what you do all day?" Gabriel asks, peering down at me holding Deans hand. I smile sadly, nodding my head. I look at Deans closed eyes, hoping maybe he'd open them and make one of his award winning jokes that didn't make sense, but I would always laugh no matter how stupid. I look up to see Gabriel starring sadly at us together. I look away because seeing pity in someone else's eyes makes our situation seem all that more real.

After awhile Sam comes in like normal to check on him. I tune out what he and Gabriel talk about mostly, not really caring about their Freshman gibberish shit that seems to be the center of their lives. As I hold the center of mine's hand, a nurse comes in, saying that they're taking him out of his coma and he should wake up within the next 24 hours. I was so happy. I swear time may have froze because Dean was going to be up. His piercing green eyes would light up again, and his hands a will be filled with warmth. I could finally relax. I gave Sam a hug for the longest time, until he had to leave to tell some people. As I sat back down I realized how tired I actually was. For the first time in a week I finally start to drift off with a glimmer of hope that life can get back on track.

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Help me.