Deja Vu| Dabihawks Book

You Are Still Human

Dabi's POV

It's like deja vu, the way he looks at me. I feel like I've seen him before. But not as a hero. I feel like I've seen him when he was a kid. But when?

"Okay everyone. Pay attention," Shigaraki said as he walked into the bar, not bothering to wait for the door to close before he walked forward. He was itching at his neck as he spoke. "We have a potential ally with a gang just a few cities over. They call themselves 'The Kurukku'."

I chuckled, getting everyone's attention. "Real original. The Crook. Why not plural?"

Shigaraki looked at me in annoyance. "They have a boss, Dabi. Much like we all do."

Toga stood up with her hands on her hips. "This isn't gonna turn out like the Shie Hassaikai, right? That didn't go well. And why are we doing this anyway? What do we get out of it?"

Shigaraki smiled at her. "Well, Toga. If we do this, we will have access to their weapons." His sight veared off and he shrugged. "Drugs as well, but that's not what interests me here." His eyes locked with mine and he smiled more. "But who knows, maybe we could catch a bird."

My eyes widened. I couldn't tell if he knew. How could he? But instead of freaking out, I looked away. So did he, so when I looked back, I decided to ask the next question. "So, what do we need to do?"

He looked back at me. His eyes looked like daggers at the moment, like I had done something to annoy him. "Bold of you to assume that I need your help." I clenched my teeth at the harsh tone and listened as he continued. "I don't think it would be best to have you on this mission when you were caught from the last one. It was only because of that pigeon's negligance that you got away. Mr. Compress didn't get caught, so why did you?"

Each word felt like a knife being turned in my gut. Why was he treating me like this? I had helped them! I looked at the others, expecting one of them to step in, maybe even Toga or Mr. Compress. But no. They were watching the exchange, as if amused. I felt rage building up inside my chest. I got up quickly and clenched my fists, feeling my hands getting hotter in the spots that didn't have the nerves forever damaged. Before I did something I would regret, I walked past Shigaraki, grabbed my hoodie off the bar, and left.

I walked down the alley until I was out on the sidewalk. It was currently morning. I walked down the sidewalk with my head down, so I didn't get anyone's attention. Especially not the patrolling heroes. Honestly, I had nowhere to go. That's probably why I found my way to the gay bar. Before I walked in, I felt someone's hand on my shoulder. I looked behind me quickly, only to be met with a certain bird. His red wings covered us, so I didn't have to worry about someone else seeing me. "What do you want?" I spoke a bit harsher than I expected. Not that I really cared, though.

"It's 9 AM. Are you really going to drink at this hour?" When he said that, I finally noticed that he was in normal clothes, not his hero uniform. I turned slightly and grabbed my arm. "I can see the look on your face. Stop drinking when you're upset. Come on."

I didn't know what to expect, so I just followed him. Soon enough, he led me to a neighborhood of nice houses. There were high fences up against all the yards, and eventually, we stopped in front of one of them. It was Hawks' house. He led me inside and closed the door, locking it. It was weird not slamming him against the wall this time. This time, he told me to just take my shoes off and go to the couch.

I didn't obey his command, much to his surprise. "Why are you doing this?"

He stopped on his way to another hallway. "Because if I don't, you'll just go drink yourself to death. That, or get yourself killed."

He turned to the hall again before I answered quieter. "And why do you care what happens to me?"

He didn't answer right away. Instead, he just stood there, as if looking for the right thing to say. And then he said it. "Because I'm a hero. And you are still human."

He walked away into the kitchen. That sentence hit me hard. I am still human. I looked down at my scars covering my arms, the shrivelled skin. I swallowed hard. I could still feel the rage I felt when I was younger. That I still feel on a day to day basis. I can feel the nothingness on my scars. The burnt nerves. So burnt, in fact, that they haven't felt anything for years.

I could remember something, though. I was really little. It was before I had "died". It was a memory of a boy. I couldn't remember what he looked like. It was a blurry picture of him. But I do remember his name.

Fuyumi, Natsuo, and I were always playing ball at a nearby park. It was when there was a bunch of broken glass because of Dad where we would usually play at home. A few days ago, we met this kid. His name was Keigo. He told us that he was with his mom a little ways away. They were homeless. I was jealous of him, I won't lie. The fact that it's just him and his mom. But I also saw the bruises and cuts on his skin. The dirt covering his ripped clothes. The infected scrapes on his knees and elbows. His hair was greasy. I could tell that he wasn't living the best life. So, I ignored those thoughts of envying him.

Keigo loved to play ball with us. I remember he had a cool move. I couldn't remember what it was, though. At least, not exactly. I think maybe he got on a tree and jumped down and kicked the ball a certain way. Either that, or he was just really good at jumping high. Who knows? All I know, is that he never adressed me. He never actually spoke to me directly. I never spoke either. At least, not to him. My throat was burnt most of the time, so I avoided talking so I didn't have to feel the pain. But after a while, Keigo stopped coming by. After a few weeks, all of the glass was completely cleaned up and we were able to play at our house again. I never saw him again. But what I remember specifically is that before I faked my death, my father told me that I was barely human. Especially after I tried to kill Shoto. It was in a moment of insanity. I didn't want to actually kill him. Not yet, anyway.

I was very aware that what I did was inhumane. Almost as inhumane as me. But after Hawks left the room, that sentence lingered in the air. I am still human. But the more time that passed, the less I believed it.