~So a quick note before this chapter begins, this is going off of flashback that I was originally going to put in one of the first chapters that actually shows the complete discussion between Eddward and Kevin before Eddward left. However I am still having some writers block with it coming out the way I want it to so that will be up in a little bit hopefully.
As always, thanks for reading~
Kevin's heart almost stopped at the words. No that was the last thing he wanted to do, not when he was like this, not with his temper and something else so close to the surface. What the something else was, he wasn't sure but he didn't have time to try and analyze himself because he was turning towards the raven haired man with a look of shock and fear before he was able to catch himself. It was obvious Double D saw it because he could hear a raspy chuckle come from him. It was a cool sound, as if he was doing it because he couldn't think of any other way to react. Eddward reached up and pulled his hat off, running a hand through his hair and wincing when he hit what Kevin was sure was a knot from either Neil or himself at this point. He felt a pang of guilt for his actions but pushed it away as he struggled to control his features.
"You're worried." DOuble D said, his voice still rough as he massaged his own throat. His blue eyes were dark and Kevin could see his jaw tightening as if he was gritting his teeth.
Kevin clicked his tongue in annoyance. "No, I just don't want to have this conversation." he lied, leaning back against the wall in a casual way. He didn't want to have this conversation, but he was worried.
Eddward chuckled again, stopped by a rough cough that seemed to rack him from the core. Kevin almost moved to go and get water but the other was already pushing himself up off of the bed. "Give me a minute." he said, his voice barly recognizable from how rough it was.
Kevin watched as Double D walked out of the room, his hand tightening into fists at his sides as the raven hair left his line of sight. He felt worse then usual, he knew Neil hadn't been gentle with the dork but that hadn't stopped him from making it worse. Plus he had let more out then he had intended with his outburst and now he was going to ave this stupid conversation. Not stupid, just hard, he told himself with a defeated sigh as he leaned back against the wall heavily. His anger was still simmering in his blood but he didn't feel like keeping a hold on it. He had been running off of that rage since he walked into the Yard, that was too long ago. His green eyes flickered to the alarm clock beside his bed and he sighed. Too many hours ago and he was growing tired. The various bruises he had accumulated were starting to ache and his back wasn't too happy with the fact he had been fighting either.
Faintly he could hear water running from somewhere else in the house and he sighed again. The one person he had pined over for five years, who he had let get in the way of him moving on for so long, and he was dragging his feet to fixing it. Was he that messed up in the head that he would rather wallow in guilt and anger then let himself be free of it? The was his hands started to tremble and the his hands shook with nerves gave him the answer to that. He had become too comfortable with this feeling, it was panic. The panic attacks had been something that not even Revan knew about because he had been able to hide them well enough. Nazz suspected that he had anxiety problems but she never actually said anything about it because she knew he wouldn't say anything but no one else did.
He pushed off the wall and walked over to the small set of speakers he had, hitting the one button and turning it down so the music that drifted through them was just loud enough to calm him down a little bit. It was some kind of electronic music that he had started listening to a few months ago after Nazz had showed it to him. Almost immediately he felt it starting to calm his panic for the moment, his slow breathes helping it. He was too used to being in this dark place filled with guilt and anger, what would happen if that was gone? What would be left? He wasn't sure.
