Eddward leaned back against his headboard, his knees pulled up to his knees. Smoke filled the room from the cigarette that was slowly burning between his long fingers. He didn't make a habit to smoke, not like his mother, but there was times that even he couldn't deny his body this small vice that he had gotten himself into. Normally it would have been enough to get his head straight but even the nicotine wasn't working. He couldn't get the feeling of holding Kevin out of his mind, or the itch to do what he had stopped himself from doing.
"Damn it all." he growled, reaching over and snubbing out the cigarette before he walked over to open the window. Cool air rushed in, making goosebumps rise on his skin. He had on a pair of loose sweat pants, his normal pajamas. *I really should try to get some sleep,* he thought even as he leaned so his arms were resting on the window sill. The night was calm, the half moon illuminating the Cul-de-Sac better then the couple street lights that he was sure hadn't been changed in years. No one else was awake, all sleeping for whatever they had planned for the weekend. *All but one.*
The dark haired boy glanced across the court, noticing the light that was on in the house of the person who had managed to get under his skin again. He forced a hand through his hair, tugging at the hair at the nape of his neck in frustration. It had been three days since the fight at the Yard. Three days since Kevin had apologized and Eddward had hugged him. He had wanted to do more then that but he couldn't bring himself to. Instead he had left, ignoring Kevin asking him to stay.
"I need another cigarette." he muttered, pushing off the sill and going to his desk. He pulled out the top drawer and dug his long fingers into the back of it, wrapping them around the half empty box of menthals that he kept there. He'd have to get another pack if his mood kept up like this. He pulled one out and lit it, holding the smoke in his lungs for longer then he needed to. The nicotine flowed into his system, making hid body relax even as his mind raced. He wanted to go out and do something but it was too late for most things to be open, unless he wanted to go back to the Yard.
*Music should help me calm down a bit.* Eddward reached over and grabbed his phone, letting the ear buds dangle and unwind themselves as he did. Letting the cigarette hang from his mouth, he plugged the buds into his ears and worked on finding a playlist, his long fingers scrolling over the screen easily. He picked his workout playlist, one filled with loud, pounding music. As the rock seeped into his mind, he took a deep drag from the cigarette, closing his eyes as the smoke burned his lungs. The way the heavy bass rattled in his ears drove his heart to match the beat, his trembling limbs slowly calming down. *Look at what you bring me to do, idiotic pumpkin headed brat.* he thought, leaning against his desk. The way the words formed in his mind, he was sure he would have screamed them, ripped them from his throat. They would have been accompanied with violence and frustration. He knew it and he hated it. He hated that he was losing the small amount of control that he had been able to make over his body and emotions. What good were those years of working on controlling himself if it all went to hell because of one person?
"Dammit." he muttered harshly, snubbing the half way smoked cigarette in the ashtray and going over to his dresser. He slid out the third drawer and grabbed a black, baggy hoodie that he didn't normally wear. Slipping it over his head, he caught the smell of the laundry detergent his mom used and smoke. Apparently he had been smoking the last time he had worn it too.
With a shake of his head, he threaded the headset through the garment and stuffed the pack of smokes in the large pocket. Once that was done, he slipped on his thrashed combat boots and walked to his window. Unfortunately this was one of the few times his mother was actually home and he wasn't in the mood to get stopped because the silent alarm had sent an alert to her phone in the middle of the night. *Second floor jump shouldn't hurt too bad. Not the worse I've done,* Eddward thought, throwing his leg over the sill and getting his balance. The ground didn't look that far away but he knew that was simply the illusion his mind made. With only a seconds hesitation, the raven haired teen let himself fall.
