Can't Help Himself. | Salvis

Anguish.

On the outside - Oingo Boingo

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I felt the need for the note scene thank me later💞

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Travis had punched sal and he'd been so remorseful he had thought about writing an apology note.

It was his first time hitting anyone, except his shower tiling that made his hand hurt. What hurt was Sals prosthetic against his fist and he couldn't imagine how the shorter one felt.

He couldn't last the day without tearing up thinking of how wrong the situation was. He Loved Sal, it was always an unrequited romance that could never happen. He concluded it could've only happen in another life where he wasn't so religious and didn't take out his anger on Sal.

The apology note he wanted to write had turned into a Love letter by his subconscious, which he was unaware of until rereading his words with blurry eyes. Words on blanc white paper was fresh on his mind as he threw the note in the trash and ran to a stall to heavily cry in.

He sat on the toilet, hidden by walls and sobbing audibly. There was nobody in the bathroom to hear his weeping about how he thought he was a disappointment to his Father and god.

Sal had Intered the bathroom, shoes pattering on the tiled floor. The same shoes caught a snag of a paper bawled up by the trashcan. He picked it up and his singular eye roamed the paper when he uncrumbled it, reading with curiosity.

I know we don't really know each other and you probably have your opinions of me. I thought maybe if I told you bow I feel things could be different.
The truth is I can't stop thinking about you. I'm crazy about you. I think your amazing!
But I know these feelings are wrong, it's not the way a boy should feel.
Shame swallows me whole. My father would kill me but I can't live in his shadow forever. I just [have these dumb feelings for you. Sal, I think I might be in Love with you.]

Travis immediately knew that Sal was reading his stupid pathetic excuse of a confession as he had heard the uncrumbling of paper. He had missed the trashcan and for that he wants to sob harder.

Travis is snapped out of thought when blue sneakers appeared underneath the stall door. "Anyone in there?" Sal had asked even though he knew the answer. The shedding of tears that had echoed as he walked in and the wording on the note seemed familiar that connected all back to-

"No, duh, fuckwad. buzz off" Travis exclaimed, the situation had embarassed him to his core. He doesn't think he scribbled the whole love confession out and wonders if he'd be outed to the whole school. It would make sense, he'd deserve it for all the terrible things he's done.

"Travis" he asks in a confused tone. He had a feeling it was him, but actually knowing was different. "Were you just" he trailed off and swallowed, "crying a second ago?"

"Sally face? I-" Travis starts to stumble over his words, "no! What the hell? Can't a guy get some privacy?"

He wanted to cry harder, sob until he was utterly restless and out of breath; completely exhausted and hoped to be comforted in fair skinned arms.

The blue haired boy takes the opportunity with a vulnerable blond to ask, "Why do you hate me so much?"

"Because you and your dumb friends are a bunch of homos! It's sick! It's not right! God will never love you! Why should I?"

"You know we aren't all gay, right? I mean, besides for Todd. Todd is super gay." Travis' heart throbs in despair.

He had no clue why his heart was beating miserably and a pit had grown in his stomach at Sal saying he was straight and definitely not into Travis. he concludes that it was because he didn't eat his whole bologna sandwich.

The shorter boy continues after not receiving any further words from the blond, "but that's part of who he is and I think it's wonderful. He's one of the kindest people I know. How could anyone hate Todd?"

The blue haired boy tried to help comfort the one hidden in the stall, knowing he's going through things of his own and should be there for comfort. Especially in terms of sexual orientation.

Travis made a noise of anguish, still no response.

"Is your father pushing these beliefs on you?"

The blond strikes back angrily, "just because my dad is a preacher doesn't mean he owns me! I'm my own person!"  He gulps afterwards, more hot wetness prickling at his tear ducts. The words were a lie and he knows it. It was hypocrisy at its finest.

"Yeah, but" Sal starts, "Well, you seem so unhappy, man. Are you sure your dad isn't putting too much pressure on you? I bet it's tough being the son of such an intense man."

"You have no idea what it's like." Travis sighed afterwards, head falling into his hands that were propped up on his knees.

Sal fiddles with the hem of his shirt, leaning up against white bricks of the school bathroom. "I'm sorry, man."

"Don't feel sorry for me, Sally face. I don't need your pity." His voice was had no real malice in it and he felt like sobbing so bad that his lungs hurt from holding in the next breath.

"We don't have to be enemies, you know that right?"

He countinues, "I think under all that anger, there's a good dude who's afraid to be himself. If you ever need someone to talk to or if you need to get away from your dad for awhile, you can hang out with me."

Travis' voice finally breaks with a tear rolling down his cheek and voice in hiccups, "Why- why are you being so nice to me?"

He had punched Sal and all he did was be nice to the blond. It made him so angry that someone(his sinful crush) would call him out for afraid of being himself. It also made his Heart flutter with joy because someone cared about him enough to look into him.

"I don't think your a bad person travis."

More tears stream down Travis' face. Some were from overjoy, sadness or remorse. He gets the courage to say, "You know, I don't really hate you or your friends."

"I didn't think so."

"I guess, well, I'm sorry I've been such an asshole. You don't deserve that" Travis apologized. It was honest, but not to honest because he feared opening up about the situation too much.

Sal had exhaled, smiling beneath his prosthetic. "That means alot to me, it really does. Thank you. And what I said about being here for you if you ever decide if you want a friend. I meant that."

"Don't push your luck, Sallyface."  He's reminded of an envelope he pulled off Sals desk earlier.

"Oh, here" he had grabbed it out of his bookbag, "I was gonna flush this down the toilet, but I guess you can have it." He adds, "I found it on your desk." He slid the envelope through the slit in the bathroom stall.

"It's an envelope with my name on it. There's an old journal page inside" Sal mumbled, taking it in his grasp. "Thanks."

"Alright now scram so I can have my alone time and uh" the blond trails off, his cheeks wet and a fear within him that he will start spilling.

"What?"

"Don't tell anyone about this or youre dead!" Travis noticed his tone, immediately wanting to change it.

"Er" he corrects himself, "I mean, just don't tell anyone about this. Okay?"

"I won't" Sal told him honestly. After no response, the blue haired boy walked out the bathroom. A weight was lifted off the both of their chests.