IITLTA? 『Kokichi Angst』

Is It Too Late To Apologize?

After his last classmates woke up from the simulation, they all kept contact.

Well, all of them but Kokichi Ouma. No one actually wanted to speak to him, less see him or check how he was. They all assumed the "little shit" would be fine on his own.

Kaito knew the truth behind Kokichi's act, yet he didn't even talk to him. One, because Maki wasn't happy with that course of action and two, because he was afraid of how Kokichi would react to someone visiting him months after they all left the hospital.

So in the end he didn't. And Kokichi was alone, like Shuichi said he was and would always be.

Kokichi was fine. He didn't need his stupid ex classmates (and who he considered were his friends, even if he knew it was one-sided) on him. He didn't feel alone. He was fine.

But after months with no contact other than the monthly medical check ups to see how much damage his brain took during the simulation, he was starting to get a bit...a bit...how was he feeling? He actually had no idea.

He saw how others talked and laughed with their friends and he couldn't help but feel completely and utterly alone.

When he was during one of his monthly walks outside his cave (home), he saw Miu and Gonta talking to each other.

Miu was being Miu, ranting about sexual things Gonta didn't understand but heard nonetheless. They were buying ice cream and apparently, Gonta was apologising for what happened in the killing game. (Even when they all knew it was Kokichi's fault)

Kokichi couldn't help but feel like shit.

At first, he tried to convince himself that no one talked to him because everyone wanted to continue their lives so they all lost contact.

He was conscious it was all a self-made lie to help his decaying mental health, but it still made it feel less painful with every day without a single notification from anyone.

He was sure he had family, he didn't remember much of his life outside the game and what was his fake memories. But obviously he had a mother and a father, who most likely were alive since the hospital gave him their address and numbers.

But he never went to pay them a visit. He was afraid of their opinion on him after how he acted in the killing game. Plus, they never went to visit him nor called him, so it was clear they weren't keen on seeing him.

He couldn't miss something he never had (or at least knew), but it made him think, how much of a shitty kid must he have been for his parents to forget about him?

It was funny. At the moment, he paid no mind to what Shuichi said. After all, he was going to die in a few days. But now, sitting alone, looking at the sky in a desolated place he realised how much company starved he was.

After running away from the park where Miu and Gonta were enjoying their ice cream before one of them saw him (he couldn't endure the thought of them seeing him but not even acknowledging his presence), he vowed to never leave his way too big house unless strictly necessary.

And so he drowned on his own misery.

Every day was the same depressing dull misery. He was tired all the time, lately he hasn't been able to get out of bed unless he was peeing his pants.