St. Fandom Academy (High School AU)

Mr Garrison grades Flash Fiction

"Okay, Class D." Mr Garrison's had papers tucked under his arm and Mr Hat with his free hand. His facial impressions changed as he spoke. He put Mr Hat by the desk so he could carry the papers in both hands. "Last week I asked you all to write a short story containing bananas . Some of them I was very impressed with, and some of them didn't make for a happier reading."

Mr Garrison glared at the black boy in the first row with a green top. "Brock Harrison, please don't use milk monsters as a synonym to breasts. Otherwise, an enchanting story. Well done." 

Mr Garrison slammed the story back into the author's hand. He went to the girl with red hair besides Brock and graded her work. "Misty Waterflower, your retelling of Cinderella with bananas was entertaining. Just watch out for tense changes and typos." 

He scowled at the next story which he put a big fat F in the top corner. "Ash Ketchum, this a poem about Kanto and it has nothing to do with bananas. Next time, follow the brief. You'll get a detention next time if you don't."

One by one, Mr Garrison gave the students their stories that he had marked and graded. He continued to give his feedback in front of the whole class. He hated Wendy Testaburger's story because heterosexual romance was not something he enjoyed, but he had to give her too marks because it met all the criteria. The same went for Hinata Hyuga's story. 

"Dawn Berlitz I don't know why a story about lesbian lawyers is connected to bananas."

"May Maple, it was good, but you could have explained in more detail why the banana was hard and going down."

"Naruto Uzumaki...you didn't do it. So you're getting a detention."

"Sasuke Uchiha... you also didn't do it. You get a detention too."

"Sakura Haruno, the characters are extremely annoying, but I like how the prose is moist."

"Davis Motomiya, watch out for typos. Nobody can eat 69 bananas in one hour."

"Kari Yagami, you get top marks. I particularly enjoyed the character, Mr Rimming."

TK Takaishi, I can see you as a future novelist. Your story about how a slave sold bananas in the digital world reminded me of old true love and moved me to tears."

"Ken Ichijouji, your story about Dilys Doe using banana blades was very clever. I did think the climax came too quickly though."

"Vicky Pollard, you're no Charles Dickens, but you have a unique voice and rhythm. The story itself was entertaining."

"Eric Cartman...Bananas in pyjamas with the Obamas in the Bahamas thirty times does not count as a story. Detention for you."

Mr Garrison continued giving individual feedback to the class, until he noticed the final chair in the bottom right corner was empty. "Kenny McCormick....where are you? And why did you not do your homework?"

"I think he died," Wendy said. "Kirby, the admin ate him."

"What? Again?" Mr Garrison turned his back to the class as he stomped to the front of the classroom. "Well tell Kenny, when he's back from the dead; he's got detention. That's four of you getting detention for  it doing your homework. To all of you that didn't do your homework, or wrote a crappy story... you made Mr Hat cry. Everyone who didn't do their homework or got an F need to stand up and say sorry." 

Only Eric Cartman and Ash Ketchum stood up. "I'm sorry Mr Hat."

"That's okay," Mr Garrison said. "You don't have detention anymore, Eric. The same goes for you, Ash." Mr Garrison failed to notice Eric smirking as he turned his attention to Naruto and Sasuke. "Boys!" Mr Garrison rammed Mr Hat in between the faces of Sasuke and Naruto. "I demand you both apologise to Mr Hat RIGHT NOW!"

"I'm not doing that," Naruto yelled. "That's stupid."

"I will not be apologising to a puppet..." Sasuke murmured. "It's just two sticks, a hat with some ugly looking eyes. It has no feelings. Also the homework was stupid, and that's why I didn't do it."

Mr Hat cried and Mr Garrison's palms clenched. His cheeks glowed red. "How would you both like to see the school counsellor? This is psychotic behaviour." 

"Okay!" Naruto folded his arms. "Maybe we will."