love me like you • jeremiah fisher

chapter twenty six

song: astronomy - conan gray

Without thinking, I got up and followed right behind him.

He was running somewhere and didn't stop until he was along the shoreline. "Con what's going on?" I yelled out, running closer to him. He was gasping for air, putting his hands on top of his knees.

"Panic attack. I'm fine. I'll be fine." He said, trying to wave me off.

"Is there anything I can do?" I asked worriedly, moving closer until I was a few feet away from him. I wanted to give him his space but I was still close enough for him to know I was right there.

That someone was right there. "I don't know Bri, just talk. Just talk." He said out of breath, the waves crashing at his feet.

"Talk, talk, I can talk." I stuttered, nervous that I might be doing something wrong.

"Uh..yeah uh. The beach! Remember that time I got lost and I couldn't find you guys for hours. It was only my second summer here and I was scared out of my mind. But you, you found me. I was huddled up in the sand with my knees pulled up against my chest when I heard you calling my name."

It was a true story.

I was only eleven at the time and everyone had decided they wanted to spend the day at the beach.

Unfortunately, I wanted to explore and strayed too far from the group and couldn't find my way back.

"You saw me and pulled me out of the sand and brought me back to my mom. I thought you were the coolest person in the world." I said proudly, taking one more step towards him. "Guess you were wrong about that one.." He said still facing away from me. "No, Con. You're still the coolest." I could hear him take a deep breath and I sensed that he was beginning to calm down.

"You have these a lot?" I asked, taking a seat in the sand.

"Yeah, more since my mom died." Conrad said, finally turning to look at me and moving to take a seat beside me.

"I'm really sorry Con." I said quietly, looking out into the water. "Are you?" He laughed, throwing me off guard.

"What are you-" He cut me off.

"Last time I checked we haven't talked since thanksgiving." My face paled as I realized what he was saying was right.

"I didn't realize-"

"Of course you didn't, you haven't answered not one of my calls." He cut me off again, as I sucked in a breath.

"I- I missed you. Do you know how hard it was knowing you were with Jere every step of the way, but you couldn't pick up a single one of my calls?" His voice cracked and I turned to notice his eyes getting glassy.

I wonder...is this how Jeremiah felt with Belly?

At Susannah's funeral, I didn't speak one word to Conrad. I was too busy comforting Jeremiah and holding him in my arms to even properly greet the boy. And I hadn't realized how hard it hit him until now.

"Everything had just gone to shit with Belly. And I needed someone, I needed my bestfriend. I needed you." Conrad said, his gaze glued to waves in front of us.

I heard Jeremiah's words to Belly in my mind.
"I needed you." Jeremiah sobbed in her arms.

"It's like you forgot about me." He whispered, causing the dam that was inside me to finally break. "I'm- I can't." I broke, getting up and taking a few steps into the water.

My lungs failed and I began gasping for the air I didn't know I needed.

I abandoned Conrad.

Susannah was gone.

Was I the one Jeremiah needed or was I just a substitute for Belly?

Everything was catching up to me. All those feelings I tried so hard to push down were surfacing and breaking through the barrier I had tried so hard put in place.

I hadn't noticed until now that Conrad stood up and was now in front of me with his hands on my shoulders. I moved forward, wrapping my arms around his waist.

"I'm so sorry Con. I should have been there for you. I was so distracted with trying to be there for Jeremiah that I.." I was cut off by a sob that wracked through my chest.

Conrad wrapped his arms around me, tightening his grip on me. "You forgot to grieve Bri." He whispered into my ear and that was all it took for me to completely unravel in his arms.

"I miss her so much." I cried into his chest. "Me too Bri, me too." It took a few minutes for me to finally calm down and we found ourselves sitting back down on the sand.

"I'm really sorry I made you feel that way. If I could go back, I would." I finally said breaking the silence between us.

"I missed you too Con." I whispered the last part, but it was still loud enough for him to hear.

"I know you did, it wasn't your fault. That's what I love about you." He replied as I laid my head on his shoulder.

"What?" I questioned confused. "I love that you love helping people. But I hate that your forget about yourself along the way." His words caused me to let out a breath I didn't know I was holding.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there for you." I said, guilt creeping up my chest. "Mhm it's alright, guess you just have to make up for it now." Conrad sent me a small smile which I mirrored.

Talking to Conrad had always been so...easy.

We had our moments but when we talked we really talked.

We understood each other and that was something not everyone got.

"Are you okay?" I asked the boy as I watched the water move closer to our feet. Each time it took sand and different seashells along with it. But, although, it inched closer and closer each time it never touched us.

"Yeah, thanks again. For calming me down from my panic attack." He whispered the words as if it pained him to say.

"I didn't mean that Con. I meant about everything your mom, Belly, the house. How are you feeling?" He looked stunned for a moment as if he hadn't been asked that question before.

"I'm not going to lie to you and say I'm doing great, but I'm getting there. Belly and I need to figure our shit out and that'll happen when it does and if it does. But with the beach house, it's different. I feel like this house is one of the last pieces of my mom that I have and I don't want to lose it." He said, his fingers drawing shapes in the sand.

"Cause then you'll feel like you lost her all over again." I finished for him, meeting his eyes.

"Exactly." He answered breathlessly, his eyes felt like they were burning holes through mine.

For some reason I didn't want to pull away, his gaze felt safe, somewhere I can fully be myself without worrying about everyone else.

It took everything in me to shake my head and stand up. I dusted the sand off me before offering my hand to him. He shook back into reality and grabbed it, pulling himself up.

We made our way back to the house in silence. Right before we were about to make our way inside I stopped, causing him to halt as well.

"And for the record, even if we do lose the house Con. I don't think we're losing her. She's inside all of us, especially you. That passion you have for keeping this alive is all thanks to her." I said bringing my finger to his chest and pointing at his heart.

"She's everywhere Con, you just have to open your eyes and see what's right in front of you." I finished, giving him a wide smile before turning and walking inside.

I was ignorant to the way Conrad had watched me walk back inside as if what I said had just altered his view of life.

word count: 1375
This is literally one of my favorite chapters so far! Thank you guys again for reading! Don't forget to vote/comment! Let me know what you think!🤍