"I must have hit my head a lot harder than I had anticipated, or maybe breathe too much smoke because this is definitely nut-case crazy. Or a very creepy dream that feels way too real for my own good. I can pat my subconscious on the back for that o...
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Chapter 49 – The Water Lily Pond
I wake up in one of the weirdest spots as of yet.
I'm floating in the middle of a pond.
I'm pretty sure I know this painting. Or at least one like it. We saw this painter in my art class. Monet's water lilies.
There's a bridge on my side, and water lilies everywhere.
There's air in my clothes, helping me stay floating.
It's a very weird set up.
But calming at the same time.
I'm all alone.
It's sunny, and I feel cool in the water.
It's probably gross water, but I don't really care. What's the worst that can happen? For me to get an infection?
I don't move much. My arms are spread on each side of me.
I have this intrusive thought, that just want me to let myself sink at the bottom of this pond and drown.
I feel... exhausted. I haven't truly rested since this curse has started. I never actually sleep. I can feel it. I'm not literally tired, but I think I am tired, on a more atomic level.
I miss sleep in my bones.
I miss normality.
I miss knowing what's going to happen next.
But at the same time... I don't want this to end.
It's the price I'm ready to pay to see Gustave again.
This curse isn't about understanding what I did wrong anymore.
It's about finding my way back to him.
I don't know how this will affect the next paintings.
The little boy must know. He must know what I think, and how I feel.
I don't know what any of this mean anymore. I thought it was just punishment at first. And then I thought I had a lesson I needed to learn.
But now I have no idea what I'm doing. I have no idea what is the purpose of any of this. Why give me Gustave? And why do I keep going back to Tanya's paintings too?
I feel like I'm missing something.
Maybe if I was actually rested, I'd be able to make sense of all this mess.
I close my eyes and take a deep breath, feeling the sun on my face, and water lilies brushing against my floating fingers.
And then I let myself sink, breathing water, and force myself to drown.
