Petrichor ~ Lewis Hamilton

19

September 12 2021, Monza

Elaine's POV

Sometimes it scares me how smoothly and without warning Lewis has inserted himself into my life. Like an intruder that little by little made a space in my heart that I didn't even know was left.

Nine months, nine months ago I only thought that this would end with a coffee, possibly a fun week before he got bored of me, maybe until the trip to France but I never imagined us here.

But once here I don't want to leave. I want to be in his ups and downs, continue feeling as if our bodies were made for each other, without needing to say anything to know what the other needs.

And I know it's selfish of me, every time he calls me when I'm in the studio and I have to lie to him about what I'm doing, even when everything I do there has a part of him printed on it.

And I have tried, maybe not as insistently as I should so as not to feel guilty but I have done it. I even got around to take one of my sketch books back home, knowing that he was going to come there later, I was going to show it to him, I swear.

I wanted to explain to him how I had never shown this part of myself to anyone other than my father and Gina. How I was terrified by the possibility of people who know me having the power to judge them. Because when they don't know who is behind them, they can interpret them without ties, give them their own meaning, make them their own. I do that with them, they are an outlet, an escape through which I can try to process what I have inside. The feelings, the memories, but above all the fears, those that I try to forget by capturing them on a canvas and sending them to any corner of the world.

But I wanted him to understand them, to give them his own meaning even knowing what was behind them. But then, just when I was abou to tell him, he started to say that he had never felt so safe with anyone before, how he hoped that nothing would ever change between us because he could no longer imagine life after me.

And I got scared, because honestly I couldn't imagine life after him either, and I didn't want to do it. So like a coward I kept the sketch book somewhere he wouldn't see it by chance and hid this part of me with no idea of when I was going to find the courage to share it.

I wasnt following the race that day as I was in a plane back to Strasbourg, I wanted to pick up a couple of things from my father's house, I hadn't felt strong enough to go in the last year but lately I had felt better, lighter, so I finally booked the flight there while Lewis was out on a race weekend. I didnt think much of it until I landed and turned my phone back on.

In particular, a couple of missed calls from Gina and a message from her were what made me start to worry.

"Ela please don't freak out but your guy may have had a little accident. Very small! You shouldn't even be worrying, but you are going to worry, I know you. Anyway, just as a headsup so you don't find the video and worry, he's fine! He has gotten out of the car by himself and everything! Love you lots, please call me when you land and make sure he's alright"

I stopped short when I read the first sentences, she said it was fine but the message is from almost an hour ago and I had no news from Lewis other than a message from him before getting into the car. I took a deep breath and dialed Lewis' number, if he tells me he's alright right away maybe I wont even look up the video.