Harwal, book 3

Chapter 2

I lead Ava to the diner below, where all the girls are. They're all busy, as I guessed. Rita and Greece have a laptop of sorts, and Reyes is mulling through our many papers and binders.

I knew what to expect, but I hope one of them is free enough to help.

"Hi," I say loudly and wave. They turn to me with tired smiles and greet back.

"Who's this?" Reyes asks and nods at Ava.

"I'm Ava," she says and waves. "I'm here to ask for help."

I stare at them as they listen to Ava's request, but their expressions turn more and more uncomfortable as she speaks.

"Well," Greece starts and shares a gaze with Rita. "We are really busy right now… How about you, Reyes?"

I did predict this right. Worst case scenario, I can teach Ava to teach the man. There's no reason I have to be present.

Reyes blows out a long breath and shakes her head. "I mean, we have some stellar bookkeeping, but this is only one quarter of it, and I haven't even looked through half of it."

I pinch my fingertips and muster a smile as Ava looks at me with defeat. Soon, they're all looking at me.

"I-I was supposed to go and talk with Cap," I mutter and avoid their gazes. "I have some stuff I need to… need to tell her."

I'm chickening out again.

"Candice…" Greece whispers with a sympathetic gaze. "You are the best of us in these matters. You lived in Joddel, you know their ways best."

"Think what's at stake here," Rita snaps. "This isn't all about you and your…" She sighs loudly. "Sorry. I'm a bit tired."

I twist my finger and stare at the pile of papers on the table. "I know… I know it's selfish of me. I don't want my city to be burned on the ground. I'll help her."

"Don't think about your city when the whole fucking world is going to be on fire," Rita snaps with a click of her tongue. "We all know your grandma is there and you want to keep her safe, but nobody is safe if we don't deal with this. We're all going to die and your grandma will be among the first if you don't help us. Didn't you listen to what the big guy said at all?"

"I did listen," I grind out with a scowl. "I already said I'll do it. You don't have to guilt me into accepting."

"Sorry," Rita says again with a sigh. "I'm just very tense and tired right now."

Giving them any ammunition against me is a horrible mistake. I trusted them enough to tell them my grandma is alive and I'm taking care of her, but I trusted them to never use her against me.

"So sorry to interrupt, but could we hurry it up? It seemed like Harwal was in big hurry," Ava says with an apologetic smile. "He's waiting by the lake with the kids. If you could come and talk to him about what he needs to know."

My lungs stop working. I grab my throat and turn around to squeeze my eyes shut.

Breathe. I need to breathe.

Why is nothing going well? I was ready for this. No.. I wasn't ready for this specifically. I was about to suggest getting another, any other, Zohra to do this thing with. I can't stand that… that horrible, cold looking guy for even one minute.

I clench my jaw and nod despite myself. I can't be the only one who's still hanging in the past. Everyone is doing something to help. I need to do my part. To protect… to be the hero of my family. Like Aaron was for me. God, that sounds so pathetic.

I nod again to assure everyone, and myself, that it's the right thing to do. "Let's go then," I say, my throat barely letting me say the words.

I just don't think I'm ready to face that one specific beast. My past comes back to haunt me every single time I see him.