Harwal, book 3

Chapter 6

"You're not going," Jas says, her expression stern. "I don't care if you threaten to leave. That would be safer than going to the lab. You're clearly unable to work with him, so don't force yourself."

"But—"

"I said no," Jas interrupts and scowls. "If you cut yourself with a small fucking spook, then you obviously can't do the shit you're supposed to. Get your head out of your ass."

I bite my lip and glare at the ground. She only gave me one fucking night. One.

"I understand whatever you have going on is really awful, but we can't risk it," she says and plants her hand on my shoulder. "Don't beat yourself up on it."

I stiffen and resist the urge to slap her hand away. I feel betrayed, more than ever. The rational side of me is on her side, this is important and screw ups aren't allowed, but it hurts to be so untrustworthy.

She's not the only one who's disappointed with me. I hate myself for being like this. They all have gone through shit and I'm the only one unable to move on.

"I'd appreciate it, if you enlightened one of the girls that could go instead of you, and she can then teach Harwal."

Silence fills the diner with her words. Nobody wants to go. This is a dangerous and important job and they're all busy.

I scoff a laugh and shake my head. How ridiculous. This is all just fucking ridiculous. I'm willing, even with all my problems, but I'm not allowed. Now that I'm forced off, nobody is there to take my place.

Is this how all our dangerous jobs went? I always volunteered before anyone even peeped a word and they let me do it, no matter how much in danger I was. Now it's not just my life in danger and I'm not good?

"No-one?" Jas asks.

"I'll go," Greece squeaks. "I'll do it instead. I know a bit about Joddel."

I bite my teeth together and blink the tears that threaten to spill. "I'll help you…" I whisper. "I'll go get my stuff from the room I was in. Uh, come see me in the evening."

"It's evening," Rita says. I frown at her, she looks annoyed more than anything. Of course she does. Greece is the one who's helping her the most right now and her workload just doubled because of me.

"I'm sorry," I mutter and tug my fingers. "Give me an hour—"

"Just go with her now so she can do what you couldn't," Rita snaps, getting up from the table. She walks past me and I hear her mutter under her breath, "one fucking job, and couldn't even do that."

Really? Thanks for nothing I guess. I saved her ass from so many jobs and when I can't do something she gets angry with me? Why am I even here?

Hah. They really aren't my friends, just coworkers. I turn to Jasmine and raise my chin. "I'll take your earlier offer then. After I share my information and we get to Joddel, I'll stay there."

Her eyes widen and Greece launches up from her seat. "Wait—don't let your anger now affect your decision."

"I'm not angry," I say, feeling calm. I truly do feel like it is the right decision. I can't believe I entertained the idea of staying here when I have so much back home.

"You can take your time to think about it," Jasmine says and Reyes nods with her words.

"If you fail, we're all dead anyways, so at least I'll be with my family. Otherwise, you know I can't be with Zohra," I say and pointedly look at Harwal, who doesn't seem to care about our conversation. "We're not even doing the work we used to do. I need to support my family. I need credits."