Never Ending

Book Two: Prologue.

****************************

The only truth in this world is that there is no truth,

Any one can become a god or a devil

All it takes is for people to believe it

-Eren Kruger : Attack on Titan

************************

"Let us welcome, Mr. Bartolomeo Von Madris for the Class of 2017 commencement speech."

The man I remember from my childhood walked onto the stage. He still had a daunting aura about him. My gaze follows him as he gets up and approaches the microphone stand.

I can not hear anything he says. I am too consumed with hatred for the man who deprived me of a father to give him a second of my attention.

"Among you is my very own daughter, Tara Von Madris." Cameras zoom in on one of the students. Tara's face appears on all the projections screens in the hall. She looks at the camera deadpan. I forget how to breathe. My girlfriend is his daughter? Nothing adds up for me. How could I have been frolicking with the daughter of the man who killed my father?

I get up from my seat and hurriedly exit the hall. I burst into the sunlit quad with no clue what is going on; how I was fooled so easily. I can bet this was their grand scheme.

"Calix." Tara says behind me. She comes up to me, her eyes filled with questions. "Why did you leave?"

I am unable to form the words. Her demeanor doesn't betray any knowledge. Is she pretending to be clueless? "I wanted to get some air."

She takes a second to respond. "Is everything okay?"

"Yes. Of course."

She runs her hand on my arm lightly. "Come back when you are done." She walks back inside.

I run out of there. My legs only stop when I am in the midst of the school arboretum. The sun filters through the trees and falls at my feet in scattered patterns. I sink my fists into the bark of a tree. Pain shoots in my knuckles. I do it again seeking the sting that comes after. That is better than the sharp pain in my chest. My hand is numb and bloodied when I stop.

I sink onto the ground, my back on the tree. What should I do? Tara never talked about her father and it only adds up. She was concealing the truth. No wonder she was so interested in me back in high school and college too. How could I think she was in love with me?

I remove the graduation gown. I bunch into a ball and stuff it in the cap. I leave both at the foot of the tree. I walk in the opposite direction on a desire path leading to the outskirts of the campus grounds. I take a cab from there to my parents' house.

I burrow into my room for the next three days. On the third day, I leave my room early in the morning. I take a jog around the block. I return sweating and dirty. I meet my mother in the hallway. Her face does not register recognition. This is who she became because of that man.

"Good morning, mother." I shouldn't bother greeting her, she never responds anyway. I used to harbor the hope that she will regain her former self if I try hard enough. I don't anymore but I never stop greeting her; it would be painful not to. To acknowledge that this is who she is and will always be, would be worse than laying dirt on her coffin.

She passes by me without uttering a word.

I return to my room and take a shower. As the cold water makes paths down my body. I accept my decision regarding Tara. I call her at eight when I know she'll be awake.

"Calix." Her voice is pained. My absence must have worried her. "Are you sick? Did something happen?"

"I am fine." I say. I keep my voice neutral to not divulge any unnecessary emotions. It will only complicate matters. "Can we meet for lunch?"

"What is going on?"

"Nothing. It's just lunch."

"Okay." She doesn't trust me. "See you there."

"Yeah." I hung up.

Lunch arrives too quickly. I take a table by the window looking onto 5th Avenue. The dim interior at Wagamama makes for a great atmosphere to talk one last time.

Tara walks in looking painfully beautiful. Her body is clad in a body hugging turquoise dress and cream stilettos. I am wearing a simple black button up and dress pants.

I help her out of her coat and pull her chair out for her. Her gaze bores into me. She might have figured out what's inevitably coming.

"Where have you been?" She asks. Her eyebrow lifts; something she always does when she is quizzical.

"At home."

"And that is?" I try not to get affected by her anger. I have to do what I have to do otherwise she'll be a liability.

"Tara, please."

"What? Isn't it funny that I don't even know where you live?" She cracks a small laugh. "It is to me."

A server appears at our table. I focus my attention on ordering and hopefully divert her from such a conversation.

After our orders have been placed she looks far from over the previous questioning.

"I went home to rest after a hectic week. Is there a problem with that?"

"Not at all. It's just that you never find the need to inform me about anything." The more we waste time the nearer she'll be to tears. I don't want her to start crying.

I take a deep breath. She quietly waits for my answer. "Tara, let's part ways."

She looked at me for the longest time, dumbfounded. "Why?" Her questions again.

"It's for the best." I can not tell her that I am leaving because her father is a murderer and a corrupt manipulator. She is in on it after all.

"What about what I think?" She asks calmly. The fight has seeped out of her. She wants to negotiate with me.

"You'll meet someone else. Someone who is easy to love, who can make you happy."

"I can't change your mind, can I?" I shake my head.

She nods, her lips trembling. She gets up and puts on her coat. "You'll regret this Carter." She walks out of Wagamama with teary eyes. I watch her pass by the window guilt flooding my senses.

I did regret it for the two years before I met her again. Tara hated her father more than I did.

However, she always has a way of making me feel betrayed. And I left her again.