Never Ending

~17~

I veer into the I-78 bound out of state. I lower the window at the passenger seat letting in some air. I turn on the radio and play it on low. The wind ruffles through my hair as I pick up pace and my mind returns to twenty years back when I first met Von.

Father had been antsy all morning, which made him sour. He was a quiet man by nature and only a few things rattled him. Not wanting to be on the receiving end of his microaggressions, I hid in my room with my nose stuck in a car magazine. I was in the middle of discovering how the newest V8 engine for the latest Ford F-150 Lightning could ramp up to about 60 mph, approximately the distance from Philly to Middletown Delaware in only an hour, when a convoy of three cars entered our driveway. From my second story window, I was the first to see him step out of his car with a young girl in tow. I was more focused on the man himself, I barely noticed the girl. In a turquoise suit, he looked like power exemplified. I could feel his aura from miles away and I wanted to be like him. Setting the magazine aside, I raced down the stairs, my nine year old legs unable to carry me as fast as I wanted. My mother had dressed me in neat slacks, a button down and a knitted vest, which was an acceptable outfit to stand next my father in.

The front door opened and in walked the man; a group of mean-looking guards behind him. He was my best movie come to life. I could feel my father's hand tremble beside me. I wanted to hold his hand and stop it from doing that but he'd be more pissed than thankful. I stood there wondering who this man was that could make my father nervous, but when the time came, they sent me upstairs with the girl.

I sat across the room from her. Perched on my bed, she wanted this ordeal to end as much as I did.

"Do you want to go downstairs?" she asked while picking at her short nails.

I considered it for a minute, "eYs." I answered simply. She got up and led the way. Taking the main staircase stealthily, we wound up in front of my father's study. Inside voices were arguing in low tones.

I sensed the frustration in my father's voice but it didn't equal the chilling delight Ded's controlled voice exuded.

With our ears stuck to the door, we could hear a little of what they were saying.

"...it's not a matter of what the company needs. I have to protect my family, I have principles." My father said his voice rising a little.

"Principles you say." The man said, he must have laughed but I couldn't really tell as the girl took that moment to introduce herself.

"I am Yvonne." She whispered right into my ear. I could see golden streaks in her brown irises.

"Calix." I answered. We heard a bang, like a fist slamming onto the table.

"Get out of my house!" My father shrieked. I had never heard him so out of control.

Instead of storming or getting angry as well, the man was silent for a while, I wondered if I had spaced out and missed something, but then we heard them so close by. Muffled grunts ensued from my father so close to my ear, and the sound of a struggle. "If I leave, I'll take your life with me." A diabolical voice croaked.

I was afraid to look at Yvonne. We had just witnessed her father threatening to take my father's life; not the best conversation piece I can assure you. I stumbled away from the door and fell into awaiting hands.

I met my mother's sad eyes. She had developed crow's feet around her eyes recently. She was aging so fast within mere weeks. She rubbed her eyes with exhaustion. "Let's go play a game." She said cheerfully. Neither of us was fooled. We followed her to the courtyard. I never saw Von again until the funeral.

I alight from the car and face the ancient house I know like the back of my hand. A three storey antebellum house with white marble pillars supporting the roof, a long vista bordered by arborvitae trees that alighted to the house. The second story bedroom reflects the afternoon sunshine onto the pavered driveway. I walk to the door, crunching weeds that have grown through the cracks in the pavement under my feet.

The key is still under the mat. I constantly warn Beth not to leave it here but she is a forgetful woman after all. All of them are. She doesn't acknowledge how much her famous 'little boy' amassed so many enemies. I open the door and hear the sound reverberate off the walls. The high ceiling foyer has this tendency to echo the nearest sound, making the house seem more empty than it is.

I know where to find her. She is always there anyway. The study is just as dark as it was last time; it has always been. Mother doesn't like the light anymore. With the curtains closed, she is staring at the thick bundles of linen covering the light from reaching her. I walk to the window and tear them open. Her eyes close shut momentarily, unaccustomed to the brightness. Her eyes find me after a while. They follow my movement as I set up a chair across from her. She doesn't say anything.

We sit in silence. I am not sure what to say anymore. She won't remember it the next day anyway. "Beth is treating you well." I state referring to her clean outfit and a couple of empty plates placed beside her.

"I started another company." She doesn't look like she understands anything I am saying. "It's for you, ma. I will pay him back, I promise." My blood boils with determination only to cool seconds later. "Can you not hear me still?" Her vacant gaze, that is fixated on a small snow globe gathering dust at the window sill.

"Someone else died last night, the same way dad died. He was slaughtered and slashed like a lifeless thing. It was horrid. Von did it again, you know? He did this to dad too, but you refused. I told you we should have reported. But I was young and hadn't seen the world, am I right? Look who is inept between us now, huh?"

I regret saying all this to her afterwards. I regret getting worked up and yelling. But it's always like this. I come here seeking comfort, get none and I get mad. I blame myself too, for her, for dad, for all the things I should have done after I found dad dead in the gazebo, his body facing the orchard, veins of dark blood flowing down the steps into the trees. He had been dead for hours before I found him. And we never pursued anyone for it.

I get up and go to the window and pick up the snow globe that has her so enthralled. I wish my life was as peaceful as this secluded little bubble. I shake it up and snow flies around only to fall back down. It's pointless coming here to talk to my mother. She will not remember me anyway.