Elezia

06

"Hoon, pack your things. We'll move to US tomorrow. It was a sudden decision but we have to run away." Napahawak ako sa ulo when I heard my dad say that.

"Huh? Run away from what?" Galit kong itinanong.

"You fucking did your crime again did you?" Napahigpit ang hawak ko sa steering wheel.

"Look, if you're going to run away, don't take me with you. I have nothing to do with your dirty work, idadamay mo na naman kaming pamilya mo. I'm staying here, dad." Tuloy-tuloy kong sinabi. I don't want to leave Elezia; I want to stay here.

"You don't have a fucking choice! Pack your things and we'll be moving!" Inilayo ko sa tainga ko ang phone ko nang sigawan niya ko.

"Yeah, I'll pack my things because I'm no longer staying in your toxic household. Fuck off." Ibinaba ko ang tawag.

When I arrived home dire-diretso ang sermon ni dad but I was unfazed. I packed my things and texted Elezia. I want to run away with her. I want to live with her, she's all I need right now.

I'm out here driving to nowhere, waiting for her to respond... but it's been 5 hours and she's still not responding.

I called her a lot of times until, finally, she answered.

"Hello, Elezia. Let's run away together. Let's find peace together. It's been five hours, where are you? Hello? Please answer." Tuloy-tuloy kong sabi dahil hindi pa din siya nagsasalita.

"Hello?" I heard a different woman's voice.

"Hello? Who's this?" I answered while still driving.

"Ikaw ba ang huling kasama ni Elez?" The woman asked me.

"Yes, Why? Where is she?" Sunod-sunod kong tanong.

"Iho... This is her aunt. Elezia took her own life." Napatapak ako sa preno ng sasakyan. Para akong binagsakan ng langit at lupa sa narinig ko.

"She was diagnosed with major depression 4 years ago."

"She's visiting beach every year dahil advice 'yon sa kanya ng psychiatrist niya as part of her therapy. Wala ba siyang nabanggit sa'yo?"

Nanlambot ang buong katawan ko sa narinig ko. Tumulo na ang mga luha ko and I couldn't answer. Isinandal ko ko and noo ko sa steering wheel and I cried as loud as I can. I'm in the middle of nowhere, and I hoped that I'd finally live with the girl I love. I was hoping I'd finally see her smile every single day. But all this time... that smile...

It was all a lie.

Bumalik ako sa beach para tingnan ang message niya na isinulat sa puno. I'm sorry Zia, but I couldn't wait for next year. I will read it now.

"07-14-23" I can still hear her voice habang binabasa ang nakasulat sa puno.

"Hoon, I love you." Tears streamed down my face as I read her message. It's the same thing I wrote there.

"I love you, Elezia. I'll marry you one day." That's what I wrote. It was my confession, but she didn't get the chance to read it. I kneeled and broke down, I couldn't do anything to save her yet in those 4 years... she saved me. I lost the only reason why I'm still living. The one who helped me through my depression... she's just like me, but she's been carrying it all alone.

"You could've told me, Zia." My voice quivered. Napaluhod ako at napahawak sa dibdib ko sa sobrang sakit.

"You could've told me that you're also suffering. I could've been there for you, kung sinabi mo lang. Sana naramdaman mo din na nandito din ako para sayo... pero sinarili mo. I feel so useless!" My voice was full of anger and pain.

As I was wiping my tears I noticed na may kadugtong ang message niya.

"Hoon, I love you. I have a letter for you, I hid it under this tree." Naghukay ako sa ilalim ng puno and finally saw a paper. My hands were shaking as I opened a letter with Elezia's handwriting.

Dear Hoon,

I'm guessing 4th year college ka na by the time na mabasa mo 'to? Yehey! You are graduating na! I'm sorry I couldn't be there to celebrate it with you. I just want to say... Thank you for existing, Hoon.

I admire you for being so strong! I'm sorry kung itinago ko sa'yo yung condition ko. It might burden you kung sinabi ko pa. You're already suffering just like me and I don't want you to suffer even more dahil sa'kin.

Hoon, sa apat na taon that we spent together, you made me forget how cruel the world is and if I were to meet you in my next life, I'll gladly hold you there for longer and this time, I won't let you go. I won't leave you. I'd buy you lots of marshmallows! We'll be chasing each other like kids like we always do. We'll be splashing water sa isa't isa and we can keep doing that every day and endlessly.

Hoon, thank you so much for making me stay longer and I'm sorry for leaving you. They won... The voices inside my head won... Wala man ako sa posisyon para sabihin 'to pero...

Live, Hoon.

Live for me.

In this lifetime war, you gave me peace.
I will love you forever, Hoon.