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I'm not, okay?

3. I’m not, okay?

“Are you staying here forever?” I asked Tommy when he came up and talked to me one morning when I saw mom and dad went to buy something for lunch, that’s awkward. They rarely bought foods from the market.

“I might be gone soon. I don’t know Meg.”

“I will miss you then. If mom just knows that I’m talking to you, she’ll go freak out and ask for more. For dad, he’ll be happy and confirm if I’m telling the truth.”

“I love you meg,” he said and wrapped his arms around me but I didn’t fell anything.

“I love you too,” I whispered, and hugged him but then it turned out that I was hugging myself.

The door opened, and I saw mom and dad staring at me. I gulped once, and blinked my eyes twice. This can’t be happening, thought at that time. It was just a thought, that’s all. But then, it happened. The worst scenario that I never dreamed of happened. I was caught in the act, just like a guy caught by his parents having a sex in the peak of orgasm.

“What are you doing sweetie?” Mom asked like a voice of Cinderella’s stepmother.

“Er. Uhm. I’m practicing my soliloquy. Want to hear it?” I said, as Tommy vanished.

“You’re acting so strange since Thomas died. We’ve been observing you, Meg.”

“What do you mean?” I asked angrily, as my eyebrow meets creating into one fine line.

“The way you talk and act were strange to us and it is not normal. You’ve been talking to no one like crazy.”

“So you think that I’m crazy? Is that what you mean mom? I’m seeing Thomas’ ghost mom. Dad please believe me. I’m telling the truth for Christ’s sake. Listen, I’ll call Thomas so you can see him.”

“It won’t work Megan. You should stay calm. I’ll call someone to help you.”

“Oh, come on! Come on! I’m alright; I’m not crazy, okay? Thomas! THOMAS! Please come out.”

“They can’t see me Meg,” he said as he stood beside me.

“Look mom! Thomas is here, beside me. Why can’t you see him?”

“Oh, my God, John,” mom gasped to my father, “she really needs help.”

Father nodded, as mom went down and said, “I’ll call Doctor Jacob. Make her calm.”

“MOM! What the hell are you going to…MOM! STOP! I’m okay, and I’m telling the truth. I’ve been talking with Tommy for few days and he…and he told me many things.”

“Listen,” dad said holding my shoulders, “stay calm sweetie. You’ll be alright. I know you’re okay; we just need to check something. You’re in trauma or something.”

“FUCK OFF!” I exclaimed and ran outside. Tommy vanished for the last time, in my very young innocent eyes.

I saw mom was talking to someone on the phone before I could go out from the House of Terror. I kept on running until I met a clown on my way. I stopped and gaze at the clown who looked familiar to me. He smiled as he scratched his red dyed hair.

“Edward?” I asked, “Is that you?”

It took several seconds until he nodded as I saw the shame on his powdered and lipstick covered face.

“Why are you wearing that thing?”

“You told me that only a clown could make you happy so I’m in a clown costume right now. To make you happy…?” His words turned into uncertainty.

He wore not much alike with a clown’s outfit but I did deal with it.

“You are crazier than I thought, Ed,” I said and smiled at his funny look.

A skinny colorful clown who tried making me happy, but it was a wrong timing, still I smiled.

“See, I made you smile.”

Then he started to make faces and dance in front of me like crazy. I kept on laughing, and then he stopped.

“I’m happy to see you smiling and laughing, Meg. Did I dance well?”

“You dance so great that made me laugh.”

I noticed mom went out from the house. Her aura made me shivered.

“What’s happening?” he asked when he noticed my tensions.

“Ed, take me to your house. Your parents are not there right?”

He nodded, frowning.

“What’s wrong? Tell me what’s happening?”

“I’ll tell you later, just let me hide in your house you clown!” I exclaimed in fear as I start walking towards Ed’s house just right beside our House of Terror. My house and his were separated by a narrow way and a line of fully grown bougainvilleas whose its flowers where blooming in red and pink.

I had my heavy breathing as I sat on the chair in Ed’s room which was full of books like a library. Posters of N’sync, Backstreet boys, and Michael Jackson were on his wall together with several trophies and medals on the shelf covered with glass. I looked at Ed as he wiped his face with a wet towel. I couldn’t believe a guy like him do such things like putting himself into shame not fame. He attempted to take of his clothes but then he stopped.

“May I excuse myself?”

“Sure,” I said and he went out.

He came back neat and clean, wearing a large white tee shirt that seemed he took it from his father’s wardrobe. He made a half smile and dragged a wooden chair.

“So,” he said and sat on it, “tell me what’s wrong.”

“They thought that I’m crazy,” I said without any expectations of him to believe me of what I said, “I’m talking to my dead brother and I can see his ghost. Something like that. I’m not asking you to believe me. All I ask is to hide me here, away from my parents. They called the doctor and I think they’ll put me into some place. Rehab maybe. I’m not saying I took drugs. No crack pot. No cocaine. Or whatsoever. I’m clean and normal. And---“

“You’re talking too much, Meg. Slow down. Relax.”

I took a deep breathe.

“Now, please continue.”

“That’s all,” I said.

Silence.

“I don’t what to say,” he said, staring at me.

“Don’t worry. By. The. Way. I’m impressed of what you did awhile ago.”

“Am I that stupid to do such thing?”

“You’re not.”

There was a knock on the door and my heart automatically started to pound, like the sound became a sign. I shot a look at Ed, like passing a message.

“Please,” I whispered, “don’t tell them that I’m here okay?”

Ed nodded.

“I’ll do everything to make you safe. Even if I risk my life.”

I didn’t respond because I didn’t know how to answer such things like that. A thing like melodrama or some kind of Dawson’s Creek or F.R.I.E.N.D.S.

“I’ll do whatever it takes to make you safe and happy,” he said, as the knocking continued. He stood.

“Please,” I said.

“Lock the door. I’ll handle this thing.”

Then he went out of the room and I wanted to evaporate like water in the broiler, turning myself into gas so I can escape this freaking day, I thought at that time. Just a thought.