I love light novels.
I’m not buying them for unique worldviews and elaborate plots–I like the kind where the protagonist’s little sister or childhood friend is in love with him, and they take a nonsensical approach, commonly known as harem series.
And it’s not like I’m some kind of otaku either, like some of the light novel heroines–I look like a gyaru, but I still know about otaku hobbies, isn’t that cute? But it’s not that either–frankly speaking, I identify with the heroines in those light novels.
I admire the loose worldview that allows close relatives to be romantically involved, so long as their love is true.
Close relatives–
I like Leon-oniichan. I love Leon-oniichan. I live for Leon-oniichan.
Even if I call him “oniichan”, it’s not like we’re brother and sister.
We’re cousins.
My father is the little brother of Leon-oniichan’s father. That’s the nature of our relationship.
And that’s why Leon-oniichan doesn’t see me as a woman.
“I dunno how to put it. It’s just like how you call me ‘Onii-chan’ all the time! I see you as a little sister. So I’m tellin’ you me 'n’ you endin’ up in a relationship like that just ain’t possible!”
“It’s not impossible! As long as there’s love, nothing else matters! And anyway! Cousins are totally legal!”
“I’m TELLING you, it ain’t that. I don’t care if it’s legal, it’s a no-go for me personally. 'Cuz, look, under the law killin’ a dog or a cat only counts as property damage, but a flower vase’s kinda different from a lil’ kitty-cat, right? That’s what I’m tryin’ to say. Hahaaaa, my explanations are pretty great sometimes, huh?”
“But–”
“'Sides, when I get outta school my goal’s gonna be startin’ a band and racin’ down Popularity Highway. I’m not gonna have time for a shorty like you. Ah, but I’ll obviously give you a warm welcome if you decide to become one of my fans!”
“…”
No matter how many times I earnestly confessed, Onii-chan dodged as slippery as an eel, and never accepted them–reality wasn’t like light novels–in the worst possible outcome, Onii-chan was a realistic human. The summer of my first year in middle school–when Onii-chan was in his third year, he came with my uncle to our place for some reason, and he looked at the teen fashion magazine I was avidly reading and said:
“Ah, this chick’s way cute!”
The girl he said was “way cute” was a model who’d been getting her big break lately modeling gyaru fashion in magazines–I was in despair. At the time, I was the furthest thing from a gyaru, the scruffiest girl in Scruffsville who never plucked her eyebrows or wore makeup.
But if Onii-chan says he likes it, it can’t be helped. That evening, I hit up my New Year’s money and went shopping online to order an outfit of Western clothes and a cosmetics set.
Two days later, when it arrived, I changed my clothes and applied the makeup after watching tutorials.
“…Hahaaaa!”
My reflection in the mirror was actually pretty hot. It actually suited me pretty well.
Maybe me becoming a gyaru was what you might call fate?! Full of confidence, I went over to Onii-chan’s house for the debut of the new me.
But, with wide eyes, Onii-chan’s reaction was, “Huh? What are you doing in that get-up?”
“What do you mean? I’m a gyaru! Zagin, shiisuu, teppen, y'know!!”[1]
“…Huh?”
“You didn’t know this is how gyarus talk?”
“No no, you gotta have something wrong!”
“Well whatever, setting aside the slang, you like this kinda look, right, Onii-chan?”
“It’s not really that I like gyarus, I just like cute girls. If it’s a cute girl I don’t mind if they’re not wearing anything but a bath towel, ah, or maybe just a bath towel’s kind of an extra reward?”
What was that! That’s almost like saying I’m not cute!
“I’m pretty popular, y'know! You’re choberiba!”
“'Sides, I think the kinda gyaru you’re trying to be is pretty outdated. These days they don’t say things like 'choberiba’.”
“I don’t wanna hear that from someone like you who’s gonna enter high school with a shaved head, Onii-chan!”
“Wha–! I’m tellin’ ya I didn’t wanna look like this either!”
My makeover plan ended in total failure. No, it wasn’t just my makeover plan. Every plan I came up with to get together with Onii-chan, without exception, never ended up with us getting together.
But even so–I still liked him so, so, so much.
Even I don’t know very well exactly why, when, and where I started to like him, but if you ask me what I like about him then I have a hundred million reasons why he catches my eye.
For example, when he’s playing in a baseball game. He’s the fourth batter and the pitcher, almost like a manga hero. Two outs, bases loaded, bottom of the ninth–even in such an absolutely tense situation when failing to get a hit means being eliminated, with Onii-chan up to bat, his teammates all felt a sense of relief.
When Onii-chan hit a home run, just like everyone expected, he made some unnecessary comment like “Why do I have to go all the way around?” as he went around the bases. He was so cool I thought I might swoon.
I have 99,999,999 other reasons why I’m stuck on Onii-chan–but wait this number may just be figurative, but I’m not sure if it’s enough to show how much I love Onii-chan.
So I confess to Onii-chan. “Anyway! Onii-chan! Love loooove! I love you the most today too!”
“Coooome ooooon, how many times do I gotta say it? I don’t see you that way!”
“No! See me that way! Let’s get married!”
“I’m tellin’ you it’s not possible! I don’t wanna!”
“That’s not true! You just don’t understand your own feelings! The truth is you must be helpless with the desire to marry me!”
“…I’m begging you. Seriously, how many times do I gotta say it?”
“Oooohhh…”
When Onii-chan rejected me, I cried bitterly. That became our usual setup–I confessed until he rejected me.
“It’s not impossibleeee! Me and Onii-chan would definitely be happyyeeeuuhhh! Waaaahhh! We should be getting marrieeeeed Ughughuuugggghhhhh!”
“Ahh, geez, this’s so annoying. Sorry.”
When I cried, Onii-chan seemed annoyed, but he pet my head. Even though he usually looked pretty rugged, when he pet my head, he was so warm and soft–when Onii-chan pet my head, I fell in love with him even more.
We were two years apart, with the first time I confessed to him being the summer when I was six, and from there until the winter when I was 15–3909 times total, I confessed to Onii-chan.
3909 battles, 3909 losses–my love never bore fruit.
Translator Notes:
[1] these are all slang words that I wasn’t familiar with until I googled them, but zagin is reverse of Ginza (shopping district), shiisuu is “sushi” backwards, and “teppen” means midnight…? I assume this is all gyaru slang or something idk. or maybe it’s Kanon not knowing things about gyaru slang properly. this is not for me to know.
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Danganronpa Ultra Despair Hagakure
AdventureThis novel can be unlocked after beating the udg game Written by Yoichiro Koizumi Translation by Kamase Megane
