Danganronpa Ultra Despair Hagakure

Chapter 2 [Nakajima Kanon]

I was always chasing after Leon-oniichan.

That’s why through elementary school, middle school, high school, I always showed up at the same schools he did two years afterwards–and that’s why, to see his games up close, I became the manager of the baseball team–and not just metaphorically like that, but literally chasing after him too. After the last homeroom period ended, I’d attack swiftly and hide in the shadow of a tree where I could see the school gates, to ambush Onii-chan when he came out through them–

Onii-chan was generally acknowledged as a playboy, so he was usually with a girl–I chased after their dates. Of course, that didn’t go very well at first. Tailing someone sounds easy enough, but it’s actually pretty hard. When I tried to get closer to see them closer up, I freaked out about getting caught and hesitated–as a result, the distance between us grew, and I ended up losing the two of them. I made mistakes like that countless times.

“This is no good…!”

In order to become a perfect tailing machine, I forced myself through relentless training. Darting into buildings, squatting, shadow boxing, running through scenarios in my head… After about half a year of training, I had successfully remodeled myself. I gained a physical fitness and toughness that would allow me to take on any stray dog with my bare hands. I tailed Onii-chan making full use of that skill. Onii-chan holding hands with girls, eating food with girls, et cetera, et cetera… I observed everything without getting caught.

I cried a little. I often thought about inflicting some punishment, but Onii-chan wasn’t really doing anything wrong even a little bit, so I made sure the abilities I mastered through my training were never ever used for anything but tailing. I never spoke up or interfered with any dates. I didn’t want to be hated. So I did nothing but tail Onii-chan with girls I didn’t know, with tears in my eyes that fell down my cheeks as I was struck by their happy aura–

Ahh, I’m so jealous, I want to go on a date with Onii-chan and hold hands with him like that toooooooooooooo!

…I writhed on my own like that. –Or that’s how it should have been.

The summer of my first year of high school, Onii-chan came to my house and said, “You follow me, don’t you?”

I thought my heart would leap out of my throat. I lied, plastering on a veneer of self-possession. “…No waaaay, what are you even saying, Onii-chan–?”

“What, it’s the truth, isn’t it? Don’t act like you don’t know.”

“…”

–It was over. Onii-chan hated me.

Tailing someone is seriously gross. It’d make me look like a crazy heroine from a skeevy light novel. As I became conscious of that reality, I felt tears welling up behind my eyes.

“It makes me feel kinda popular so ’s not bad or anything, so it’s fine with me. Wouldn’t that usually be hard on you?”

“…Huh?”

“I mean, isn’t that hard on you? Watching me go on dates?”

“…”

Oyoyoyoyo…? It appears that Onii-chan doesn’t think I’m gross, somehow or another. It
appears that my love is not over. It appears that by asking if it’s “hard on me”, he’s worrying about me.

I wanted to leap up and fling myself into his arms like a frog jumping into the water. But I managed to contain myself. Since Onii-chan is going out of his way to express concern for me, it would be a waste to ruin such a beautiful scene by switching to something out of a love comedy. As if I were directing myself, I hinted at my hidden embarrassment with my response.

“O-Of course it’s hard! But I don’t want you to hate me, so I draw the line at just tailing you!”

Onii-chan didn’t take advantage of my performance, and with the same tension, he scratched his buzz-cut head.

“Ahhhhh, it’s not like that’s all that great for me either…”

“I’ll make do with only tailing!”

“Not that. What I’m talking about is that it’s not good if things are hard on you. Ah, shit, am I being a little too nice?”

“…”

Geez, this is… I don’t know what caused it, but… did Onii-chan come to like me? Doesn’t it seem like my feelings reached him? Maybe, with this enthusiasm, he’s going to confess to me? My heart rate is steadily gaining speed. Come, oh romance!

But this is what Onii-chan said in response. “Wanna make a bet or somethin’?”

“…A bet?”

What’s this? That’s not a confession, is it…? I let out a small sigh, but still, this was the first time Onii-chan was showing a reaction other than just stubbornly turning me down. It was an undeniable fact that our relationship was progressing.

“If you win the bet, I’ll consider you as a love interest.”

“Really?!”

“Yeah, IF you win.”

“What’s the bet?!”

“Whether you can pitch 160 kilometers an hour or not.”

…Huh?

“If you can pitch an amazing fastball on my level, I’ll consider you a love interest.”

“…And what if I can’t?”

“If you CAN’T do it… then you’re banned from talkin’ to me till you can.”

“…”

There’s no way an average person can pitch 160km/h… Of course, it’s not like I didn’t feel a little that way, but…

“Yeah, got it!”

I took Onii-chan up on his bet.

I mean, at the time, I had believed I had no chance at all of succeeding in love. LOVE IS ALL. I love Onii-chan so much, and I have enough of the same blood flowing in my veins as Onii-chan the genius baseball man, that it’s probably not impossible after all.

Like this, I made light of the sport of baseball. I’d watched the pros pitch, so I knew just how naive this idea was. Not only could I not pitch even 100km/h, I couldn’t even get it into the strike zone.

At last, I realized… I’d been duped. Onii-chan really did think I was gross and annoying after all. He strung me along like, my cousin’s a stalker? Seriously? Just die!

So he threw out an unreasonable demand like that at me, all smug, trying to cut me off and end our relationship. Like Ikkyu-san. “Try getting the tiger out of the folding screen.” Ikkyu-san used his characteristic wit to navigate that unreasonable demand, but real life isn’t like light novels OR Japanese legends.

“Very well then, give to me a baseball that will be thrown at 160km/h even by women and children. If you do so, then I shall show you a wondrous fastball pitched at 160km/h.” If I used that kind of witty retort, Onii-chan isn’t gonna just be like, oh, you got me! That’s not how the world works. There’s no way I can win this bet!

I thought about making an accusation like that, too, but I never went through with it. Because Onii-chan’s feelings, and the fact that he wanted to cut me off enough to do something asspiteful as this, were digging into my chest. Because Onii-chan hating me this much made me start to hate myself, too. But I still didn’t give up. Let’s pitch 160km/h!

The future where I end up with Onii-chan after he refused me that much was always going to basically be a miracle, anyway! I’m willing to make a totally outrageous miracle happen for that!

“All right!”

Even if I felt that it was impossible, knew it was impossible, I went to go practice pitching day after day, with no exceptions.

I didn’t improve at all. If I tried to pitch straight, it would swerve to the left, and if I tried to adjust the angle and throw it more to the right, this time it would swerve even more to the right. I didn’t even have a sense of the basics. The Kuwata family’s baseball talent must have all gone into Leon-oniichan. So he was as amazingly genius at baseball as I was despairingly bad at it.

But I still practiced every day. I practiced even on rainy days and windy days. I practiced even though I was the baseball club manager. I practiced even though my classmates gave me weird nicknames. But still, even so, I didn’t make even one millimeter of improvement.