Anachronistic: Endless Masquerade

24 | Specter of Doubt

- 24 -

The corrosive specter of doubt had eroded Lilith's mind these past two days. Her time spent helping Pandora with her hunt hadn't taught her anything. At least not regarding Pandora's knowledge of her secret. Those two days had taught her plenty about the intricacies of several winged youkai. Danger ratings, blood effects, weaknesses, and appropriate tactics. Interesting on its own, but she just wanted know if she was safe. She seemed to flip back and forth between certainty and uncertainty every few hours. All she knew was that two nights prior Pandora had taken her father's notebook from her bag.

        Or had she?

        In truth, Lilith didn't know anything. Questions bombarded her as she shuffled along the deck. Her goal was to find a quiet area and curl up for a nap. Any of the identical deck chairs would have worked, but fatigue ripped away her ability to focus. At this point, she hardly knew where she was, let alone how many suitable spots she had already passed in a daze.

        Lilith's thoughts looped back around. Had Pandora seen the book? She had been sleep deprived and afraid when she first checked the bag. Even now, she still was. Maybe she missed something. Overlooked the book the first time. Maybe it was never missing. But what if it was?

        That was the question that had stolen two nights of sleep from Lilith. It was tearing her body and mind apart. Her lack of dependence on food wasn't kind enough to extend to rest, but how could she feel safe next to Pandora? Instead of sleeping, she spent each night waiting for the hunter to attack her. Which hadn't happened.

        Nothing happened.

        Pandora had been peaceful both nights. Forget waking up, she hadn't so much as tossed or turned in her sleep. Not even a snore. But was that even unexpected? If Pandora wanted to kill her, at night while she slept was the best time. But what if Pandora didn't want her dead? That story she had told. She claimed that witches had once been considered youkai.

        Lilith had started with doubts, but now her doubts had doubts. The cycle brought Lilith to her breaking point. Was it paranoia? Were her fears justified? Could a hunter knowingly sleep next to her prey? Did she even consider Lilith prey? The questions piled up until their weight was to much too bear. She collapsed into one of the chairs lining the deck. A spot indistinguishable from the dozens lining the length of the ship; it would have to be good enough. She curled up and closed her eyes, ready for sleep to take her. 

        But it didn't. Her mind wouldn't let it.

        Lilith couldn't stop thinking back to that damn book. If Pandora had seen it was that enough to doom her? Knowing Gregor was her father would probably be enough for Pandora to figure out the rest. But did the journal prove that? It proved her father was a hunter, but without reading it she couldn't know if there was anything linking it directly to Gregor. Had he signed it? Did he mention Lilith's name in an entry? Had he shown Pandora the book on their hunt together?

        Lilith lifted herself onto her elbows, then rolled to lay on her other side. Part of her hoped that a new position would reset the process and she could fall asleep. Yet, her thoughts continued to spiral in on themselves.

        Was simply being a youkai enough to condemn her in Pandora's eyes? Would she hunt her down even without payment? Was the story about witches being youkai true, or a lie meant to trick her into lowering her guard?