Anachronistic: Endless Masquerade

44 | Trying to Push the World Away

- 44 -

[graphic violence] [blood] [strong language] [suicidal ideation]

Everything the humans thought about her was true; Lilith was a monster. Wasn't Pandora supposed to be important to her? Hadn't she meant to let her know her secret anyway? And yet, the second Pandora found out Lilith had betrayed her; slept with her despite knowing it would kill her.

        She ran through the halls without purpose. She had no idea of where she was heading. All she knew was she couldn't be anywhere near Pandora. Couldn't watch her die, especially knowing it was her fault. She should have; she owed Pandora at least that much, but she was too selfish to take the pain. Just one more way that she was a monster.

        She rushed up the main stairs until she ran out of steps, then burst through the nearest door. She emerged onto the main deck and, seeing where she was, wrapped herself in a hug. Her nails dug deep crescents into the flesh of her arms. This spot; she had been here before. It was where Pandora had taken her to stargaze.

        The memory pushed bile into her throat. The image of a shooting star streaking across the sky. They had both wished on it. "I wished you would be my girlfriend," Pandora had said. Even though there were a few days of turbulence after that confession, Lilith had eventually accepted. Pandora's wish had come true. So what of her own wish?

        Lilith stumbled over to the railing, leaning against it as she looked out over the ocean. "Who's to say my wish didn't come true? That I didn't find the one person who would love me unconditionally, even knowing who I am?"

        Her eyes opened like floodgates and her words came fractured and strained. "A-and I, I fucking killed her."

        Lilith's grip tightened. The cold steel of the railing burned against her hands. It pulled her memory back to that night beneath the stars. Pandora had pulled her off that very railing, fearing she might fall into the sea.

        "She should have let me drop. It would have been better that way. Then she never would have slept with me." Lilith let out a puff of air that bordered on a laugh. "Hell, maybe I should do the world a favor and jump."

        "I'm afraid you're far too valuable for that."

        The slimy voice set her hair on end. She spun on her heels to find Gamal looming over her, his scarred face only inches away. When had he gotten so close? His hot breath struck her in a series of low snickers. She tried to step away, create distance, but her back pressed against steel.

        The railing.

        Lilith swallowed. She was cornered. Would she need to fight her way out like a wounded animal? If it came to it, she would. Maybe that was strange, considering how dark her thoughts had turned only second prior, but she had found her resolve. She couldn't die here; not by his hand. She might be a monster, but he was far worse.

        Gamal had set the kotengu loose, killed Allister, and framed her for murder. And those were only the things she knew about. Pandora seemed to imply he was responsible for even more than that, though she hadn't shared the details. Compared to him, Lilith was a saint. And yet, he walked free while she was hunted. Another of God's cruel jokes.

        Imagining all the ways this scenario could play out, Lilith took a deep breath. Her voice wanted to tremble as she asked, "Can I help you with something?" but it held firm. Her heightened calm had returned to suppress her fear just enough for it to be useful. Lilith wondered if she was getting better at controlling her emotions, but it still didn't feel intentional.