(ORIGINAL BOOKS' AU) Warrior Cats - A Frail Soul's Torment

1 - Cursed Memory

It was a quiet morning, the warmt of Greenleaf was pleasant like an hug, yet the red cat felt uneasy.
She stirred and gave a big yawn, trying to focus on her duty, after all, she had to organize the morning's patrols and help her daughter with her kits, it wasn't that long ago after all that Sparkpelt faced the horror of depression because of her former mate and one of their son's death, leaving her in pain and with two other kits in her paws. The tabby did eventually got better, but the Clan's deputy knew really well that some things were able leave deep scars and she wanted to make sure her daughter's ones could heal.

<< Good morning Squirrelflight, did you sleep well? >>

Asked Fernsong with a kind smile.
The red cat smiled back, hiding her uneasiness as she nodded.

<< Yes I did, thank you. >>
<< Did you already choose who's going on the hunting patrol? >>
<< Not yet. Would you like to take the lead? >>

The golden tabby's smile grew wider as he purred.

<< I won't disappoint you Squirrelflight. >>
<< When did you ever disappoint someone? >>

Giggling, Squirrelflight motioned for him to go with her tail.

<< You can take with you whoever you wish, make sure the Clan won't go hungry or the kits will ask for out flesh. >>

Sharing a good laugh, both cats went separate ways, the deputy of the Clan still had the border patrols to organize and she wasn't exactly in the mood to look at Fernsong going out with his nate and (very probably) their kin, it was strangely painful since her relationship with Bramblestar started to change.
"Focus on the job..."
She told herself.
She had all the time in the world to think about her personal problems, it wasn't something to do when duty called.
"I could choose Thornclaw and Blossomfall, with them leading two patrols it will be easier to keep the territory in check."
Nodding to herself, Squirrelflight went to search for the two, finding the cute calico first as she was sharing tongues with her brother, Bumblestripe, who looked strangely upset.

<< Good morning Blossomfall, Bumblestripe. Is everything alright? >>
<< Yes, we were just chatting and some... you know, little problems, nothing that serious. >>

Smiled Blossomfall, clearly trying to hide something.

<< Oh my, I hope it's nothing too bad then. >>
<< No, nothing too terrible, just some thoughts about other cats. Did you need something? >>

"Yes, it's definitely something about a crush."
She knew too well how hard love matters were.

<< Yes, I wanted to trust you with a border patrol. >>

Blossomfall's eyes lit up with joy as she jumped on her feet and pulled her brother with her.

<< I'll go pick the other patrol's member! >>
<< Be careful out there! >>

"Alright, now let's find Thornclaw."
Squirrelflight went back searching for the brown tabby, trying to figure out by herself what kind of "love problem" was troubling Bumblestripe.
"It can't be Dovewing, she's with Tigerstar now..."
A shiver ran down her spine as she thought back at when her niece, Dovewing lived in ThunderClan and Bumblestripe had a crush for her. The striped tom would have been on her tail at every occasion, sometimes a bit too much, so much Dovewing had took a literal habit to snap at him, gaining the disapproval of her clanmates and yet, her niece's harsh tone wasn't enough to deter the determined warrior.
"He was determined just like..."
Squirrelflight stopped herself before that name could slither in her thoughts and stay there to torment her.
"Focus on your duty."
Shaking her head, she looked around the clearing, hoping to see Thornclaw.
"Don't think about him."
But where was the cat she needed?
He was always ready for a patrol, the entire Clan affectionately called him "the patrol tom".
"He's gone. He's gone. He's gone. He's gone..."

<< Hey Mousewhisker! >>
<< Yes Squirrelflight? >>
<< Have you seen Ashfur? >>
<< Ashfur?! >>

"Stupid furball!"
Squirrelflight's smile fell from her muzzle as she quickly apologized for her mistake.
"Mouse-brained idiot!"

<< I'm sorry, I'm still half-aslepp I fear. >>

She giggled embarrassed, focusing her gaze on the gray and white tom.

<< Don't worry, happens to the best of us, even deputies. >>

Laughed the cat and pointed at the apprentices' den with his tail.

<< Thornclaw's in there, I think a few nests got trashed yesterday night, Starclan only knows what the apprentices were doing. He was helping with it when I saw him. >>
<< Thank you. >>

The red cat went to said den, trying to keep her head high and not to hide for the embarrassment.
"Why can't I forget?"
She asked herself as her eyes fell on the dusty earth under her moving paws.
"Red paw, white paw, red paw, white paw..."
She tried to focus on that little thought, anything would have been a good substitute to the memory of the cat she had tried so hard to forget, yet he was still there in her mind, every, single, day of her life. He was like a curse, many moons and entire seasons had passed since that night, they all had to face far worst things in the time that had passed, yet her brain was unable to do something as easy as pushing the past under a bush and hide it there.
Part of her almost missed those times the Clan had something to worry about, because it was when something big was happing that her mind could fully concentrate on the matter at paw and not on the past.
But that only made her feel worse, after all, what kind of sick cat could have missed the danger of the Dark Forest manipulating their youngs and wanting to destroy their ancestors?
What kind of selfish monster would have choose to suffer the threat of another Darktail just to not think about someone from their past?
Who could have ever been that weak to choose the thought of a great danger and it's sharp claws to bathe in, just because they were incapable of forgetting?
"Apparently, I am..."

<< Thornclaw? Are you in there? >>
<< I'm here! >>

Called the tabby tom while helping Flippaw adjusting the moss for his nest.

<< Need someone to lead a patrol? >>
<< Yessir! The border patrol, can I trust you with a mission this important? >>

Joked Squirrelflight and the warrior laughed softly.

<< You know I'm always up for patrols, unless you are in those. >>
<< Is this the way to talk to your deputy? >>

The red cat faked a shocked expression and held a paw on her chest as her voice raised in an "offended" meow.

<< Yes, if the deputy is the same cat that was about to let a badger eat her. >>
<< I was just studying it. >>

Thornclaw gave her a friendly nudge on the flank, going to fetch some warriors to take with him.
Squirrelflight smiled, trying to remember the good old times, when she was just an apprentice and they were all having a good time on patrol.
"It's been so long..."
She was with Thornclaw that day, with him and Bramblestar (Brambleclaw at the time) and...

<< Ashfur... >>

The name left a sour taste on her tongue and she knew, her day wasn't going to be easy to face with that name on her mind.

<< Are you okay? >>

Asked Bristlepaw with a worried glance.

<< Yes, I just... >>

"Poppy seeds, they'll help me."

<< ... I just need to talk with the medicine cats. >>