Beyond Heaven and Hell

Chapter 14 - Perfect Gift, Wrong Timing

*Liza's POV*

I still don't understand. I don't understand anything... why? How? Where is he? Its been a week now, 6 and a half days to be precise but it feels like forever. Nate was such a great ordinary husband who never did anything wrong or got into the wrong crowd. He didn't deserve this, none of us did. Rosco has been acting up, I think he is confused. Quiet and hiding most of the time. A child should never live like this. Scared, quiet and not enjoying the fun of being a kid.

I cooked dinner and sat at the kitchen table staring into my bowl, not even appealed by the small of fresh steak and vegetables. Even I can't even live like this. I burrowed my head into my hands.

"Mummy, are you okay?" Rosco mumbled quietly.

"Mummy's okay Sweetie, I am just a bit tired. Would you like to read you a story after we finish eating?". As much as I wasn't up for anything especially eating, I spooned some vegetables into my mouth in hopes to appear like normal Mummy for Rosco. Easier said than done to be quite honest.

After Rosco had finished and I had given my best attempt, I gathered the dishes into the dishwasher and met with Rosco in his room down the hallway. Even walking around the house was a chore but I had to give my best for my baby boy.

I went through the books we had in Rosco's room. Personally, I like Dr. Sues. He had Bipolar and his stories/writing style were so interestingly out-there.

"Hmm. How aboooutt... GREEN EGGS AND HAM!" I skipped over to Rosco in excitement hoping to cheer him up. Oh boy, that smile is to die for.

"You know little one, you're going to be a handsome young boy when you grow up. You're gonna steal hearts" I nudged him cheekily.

He had no idea what I meant "haaanthimm?".

I giggled back, "c'mon get comfy".

*I am Sam. I am Sam. Sam I am. That Sam I am, that Sam I am. I do not like that Sam I am. Do you like green eggs and ham? I do not like them Sam I...*

I always loved reading to Rosco, it was great quality time with him and having him so close warms my heart.

By the time the book was finished, Rosco has drifted off to sleep peacefully. Lately he has been wanting to sleep in bed with me and that's okay because I miss Daddy too. I managed to tell him that he has gone on a trip with his work. 'Just like a school camp trip, but with grown ups', I would explain to him, I think he understood.

After carefully moving my legs from underneath Rosco, I dimmed the lights to low and headed to my room. The bed wasn't made and there were more things on the floor than usual. This was undoubtedly affecting me. On the other hand, I have been feeling more emotional that normal for the last 2-3 weeks and nauseous at the same time.

Before all of this I had bought a pregnancy test because of these feelings. It was something that you subconsciously knew with that... gut feeling. But since all of this, I have purposely forgotten about the test and blamed these feelings on the situation. It was just terrible timing, and I couldn't bare anymore on my plate. This was already too much.

I look in the top draw of my bathroom cabinet, staring at the test pack of three. 2- 3 minutes passed, and the temptation got the best of me. Emotionally unstable I ripped open the packed and proceeded on the toilet. After my pants were back up, I sat the test facing down in the bench. I was scared. It was probably even the worst time to test but I also felt like I had to for my own security, good or bad.

To be sure I decided to test using the other 2 sticks... just in case ya know? What if the first one was a false reading and caused a whole heap of unneeded stress? Because I had already peed on one stick I'm sure I didn't have much left in me. I then Peed in a small cup, Luckily, I had some left, and tested with the other two.

I panicked as the three tests sat in front of me faced down. Heart racing, I questioned everything. If it was positive and if it wasn't. I ended up convincing myself that it will be negative and that I had been stressing over nothing. The sickness and emotions were just from being run down and over worked.

I sat there for another few minutes, even after I knew they would be ready I just had to get the nerve to look.

"Okay, okay" I breathed deep and heavy through my nose and out my mouth to calm and prepare myself.

1... 2... 3! I closed my eyes tight, turned all three sticks over and opened my eyes again.

I couldn't breathe. In shock I stared at them in disbelief.... All three were positive! I collapsed down the basin and onto the cold bathroom floor. It was so hard to stay quiet as I bawled my eyes out, hand over my mouth to muffle the noise. 10 Minutes had passed, and I was just beginning to calm down, but I was so tired and needed to rest.

I crawled from the bathroom to my unmade bed and crashed hard.