nothing ever lasts forever.

Chapter Fifteen

**Warning for some smexyness in the beginning! Why? Bc im the writer and i wanted to write smexy bonding wholesome time and if y'all don't want to read it then you can skip to after it's over :)

this chapter takes place directly after chapter fourteen.

Theo's PoV

"I love you so fucking much," Swiss breathes. Swiss's weeping had been reduced to little shudders here and there. But when he looked up at me like that and cupped my cheek in his stupidly big hand, we both knew that there was nothing that could stop what would happen next. 

All ghouls had primal urges and needs. That's why all ghouls were sexual. Some hid it better than others, and others didn't. No matter how sweet a ghoul seemed, he always had a different side. 

"..Swiss?"

"I know we've been together a couple months now and in the past you said you haven't been ready for sex, but..I kinda wanna—like- are-" He stutters and stops with a sigh. "don't feel pressured to say yes, but like, do you wanna? Cause I really wanna right now," his thumb stroked my cheek soothingly. The way he looked into my eyes with such love made me weak in the knees. 

"I mean like, if you aren't ready still then I 100% stand by you and I'll just go blow my load in the toilet or somethin', I really don't mind," Swiss says quickly as I just stare. Just lost in thought. 

I don't talk about my past a lot. Nor do I talk about how I really am on the inside. My packmates know, but they'd never tell. 

In theory, I enjoy the thought of sex. It sounds amazing and it probably really feels good. 

But I'm too scared to actually let it happen. I'm petrified at the thought. I barely even let Swiss get close to me, much less anywhere near there. 

And yet some nights I want it so bad. 

I don't understand.

There's just too many emotions. Sadness, grief, anxiety, apprehension, lust, what the hell do I do? I can't say yes. I want to, by the gods I do, but I can't. I can't physically bring myself to allow it to happen. 

"—hey, love? Where did you just go? Your mind went somewhere else," Swiss murmurs, forehead pressed to mine. 

"I'm—I dunno. I dunno where I just went. 'M sorry,"

"Stop that. Stop apologizing."

Swiss sighs and smiles, pulling away from me. "You're clearly not in the right headspace for sex right now, okay?"

"No I swear I am," I interject almost desperately. Swiss's body halts. "please, I am. Please? I need it. I need you." 

Swiss's lips part and the rise and fall of his chest quickens. "Are you sure? Like, sure sure?" He affirms concernedly. "Oh my god, yes, let's just get on with it!" I grumble impatiently. 

In an instant our bodies are locked together, and it's so different from what I'd always imagined. This wasn't just a physical closeness. This was the process of bonding souls with one another. 

We were both in sync; the pants and huffs of our breaths, the rhythm of our bodies, even the way our lips clasped together in an occasional open-mouthed kiss. It was so blissful, so peaceful, yet so fucking hot. 

Sweat clinging to Swiss's tan skin, making him practically shine in the dim light, sweat even collecting on my own skin. I felt sparks of heat dance along my spine with every thrust of his. It sent shudders down my body, unsure noises falling from my lips. "Whh—what if someone hears?" I manage in a shaky voice. 

Swiss laughs a raspy laugh. He anchors a hand on the headboard of his bed, not slowing his pace at all. "You think they'll care?" He pants.

"You've heard how loud Dew is when Aeth's handlin' him," Swiss says. He leans closer to me and speaks directly into my ear.

"Hell, I think they'll enjoy hearing us. Enjoy hearing you be reduced to a whimpering mess under me."

More unsure noises come from my throat. 

{~}

Zephyrus's PoV

I had been sleeping on the mangy sofa in the lounge. Gods know what shit that poor sofa has seen. It had an odd smell attached to it. One I didn't exactly want to find out what it was from. I didn't dare ask Cirrus or Aether what the suspicious stains on it were either. All I had to do was do what I was told and stay in my place. Don't cause trouble.

If I was back at Seaford, yes, I would cause trouble. But Seaford doesn't have demons in it. Demons who could tear me limb from limb. 

There were always odd and mildly concerning sounds bouncing around the walls; a hiss or growl, purring(?), some sort of groaning or grunting, unintelligible muttering in another language that sounded like Italian, and rats squeaking. I really hoped I wasn't residing with rats. Nasty creatures. 

I just wanted to go home. Go home and see Kiriel and Seliel. Sit with Kiriel's head in my lap, looking down at her auburn eyes. Existing, knowing that everything would be alright as long as I was with my friends. 

When?

When can I go back home?

Please..?