Peter Parker being a moron (spiderson crack <3)

Death Stars and Crunchy Crisps

Ok, so was Peter going against what Tony specifically told him to do? Yes.

Apparently he wasn't allowed to just wander around a helicarrier stocked full of the people who were currently looking to capture him, and instead, he should just 'please stay in the fucking quinjet Peter'.

But that is boring, and so he didn't want to.

So screw Tony.

Sure, Peter was somewhat grateful that the man had gone against Fury's wishes and instead of capturing and bringing in his vigilante persona, had kept his identity a secret and all but adopted the 15 year old instead.

But alas, he was bored and didn't want to just sit on a ship waiting for the man to return from another 'let's all plan how we are going to kidnap a child superhero' meeting with the avengers and the angry pirate himself.

Anyway, because of how obscenely hard it was to get into the flying fortress, no SHIELD agent had questioned him when he had just strolled in.

And Peter thought it was hilarious that the 'criminal' at least a quarter of the agents on the ship were actively looking for, was onboard their super secret base, just strolling around and seeing how many things he could get away with stealing.

Just because he was living with a billionaire now did not mean he had gotten over his scavenging roots.

It was great. So far he'd amassed 3 clicky pens, a stapler and a laser pointer in 1 pocket; managed to snag an apple (he'd eaten it and it was a lovely blend of juicy and crispy) and was now munching on a packet of crisps; in addition, he'd even pocketed a weird-looking Glock he'd 'found' in a locked safe.

But most importantly the crisps. They were salt and vinegar, crinkly-cut, and absolutely heavenly.

Tony might be slightly mad that he had hacked into the ship with Karen and was now using his glasses with her inside to scope out cheeky things to steal.

But it was pretty funny yoinking stuff from under the noses of the most highly-trained secret agents on the planet without a single one of them realising.

Bored out of his mind after his stealing spree, Peter decided to wreak a little mischief. He chose an agent who looked particularly stressed, and sidled up to the front of their computer.

He couldn't see what the agent was doing on the screen, but he could make an educated guess. In truth, he was kind of honoured that Fury would think of him as such a high-profile target.

Clearing his throat, he casually leant his elbow on the nearest desk,

"So, how's the hunt for Spider-Man going?", he enquired, smirking as he watched the blood slowly drain from the agent's face.

As they spluttered for an answer, he subtly took note of their name badge (Special Agent Gregg) and webbed their coffee into his hands.

Words began falling out of Gregg's mouth in a poor attempt at explaining themselves, but Peter interrupted the rambling with a long, deep slurp of the coffee, before promptly spitting the entire mouthful out on the floor in disgust.

"Honestly Gregg, you agents are so incompetent." Peter started yelling at him, "I mean Spider-Man could literally be staring you in the face, and you wouldn't even notice."

Peter stormed off with a huff for dramatic effect, pouring the rest of the coffee down the sink and carefully placing the mug in the dishwasher (aunt May didn't raise no heathen), before turning around and angrily saying, "that coffee was disgusting by the way. And send someone in here to get that mess cleaned up. Pronto."