Behind Closed Doors

15: Dad

Skyler would have never even spoken to their father if they had remembered what class they today. It was history, so now they had to deal with Ashton all over again later in the day. Skyler and Kaimi would have rather stayed under the bench, but the principal caught them. He apologized to Skyler and told them that Mrs. Tyler wouldn't go unpunished, but still wanted them to go to class. So they had to oblige.

Ashton seems almost shocked that they've decided to walk into class, and they take their seats. On the board, Skyler sees the words Presentations today. This makes them groan as they can already feel the knot forming in their stomach.

"Oh no," Kaimi says once she sees it. But as soon as the anxiety had started, it was gone. The two of them watched Ashton erase the words off of the whiteboard. Had he done that because of Skyler?

The bell rings, and Ashton comes to the front of the room. It's now that Skyler sees how horrible he looks. He had puffy red eyes with bags under him. Has he been crying? Is it because of Skyler?

"Alright everybody, quiet down. Originally we were going to be doing presentations today. But only three groups turned them in. So I'm going to give you guys today to work on it, and presentations will be tomorrow, so get it done, okay?"

Skyler's cheeks felt hot. Not even they had done it, and they were supposed to be Ashton's kid. So much for support. As soon as he's done with instruction, Ashton goes back to his desk and puts his head in his hands. Skyler wonders if he's crying, now feeling awful at the sight of him. They should be calling him their father, but they can't. They won't. It's never felt like that. How is it fair for Skye to have to call him that when she now knows who actually shares their DNA?

But looking at him, seeing how torn he is, is what makes Skyler understand why. There was a rift between them, but why? Because she didn't understand her own identity and hated that Ashton couldn't be a mind reader? Because they couldn't seem to find any common interests? Even when they fought, at the end of the day, Ashton was still their father. He raised them, not Trevor.

Trevor didn't even fight for you, they had to remind themself. He let Bea boss him around and didn't give it a second thought. He was too scared to fight for what he might have wanted. But he's also a doctor, so what if he did have some custody of Skyler, but was too busy to be present?

Skyler liked the relationship they had now. She visited every so often and would go hang out with him like they were friends, not like he was a parent. Trevor has always been trustworthy. He was always more exciting than hanging out with their parents. That's because he wasn't the adult figure in Skyler's life. And it's far too late for him to ever become that.

Skyler stays behind and waits for all the other students to leave. Ashton looks over at her, unsure if he can handle whatever it is they have to say. Skyler isn't sure that they know exactly what to say, either. They know that they have a right to be upset, but Skye was taking it too far.

"Hi," Skyler says, stepping a bit closer to him.

"Hey Skye, what can I do for you? Do you need help with the project? It's okay you didn't do it, you know. Most of your classmates forgot, too," Ashton mumbles. This makes Skyler want to break down and cry. Skyler hadn't even talked to Ashton about the betrayal. Her silence was worse than getting angry because he couldn't try to understand how they were feeling.

"No, it's not the project. Kaimi and I are almost done with it, we'll be ready tomorrow, I promise," they say.

"Oh," he says, unsure for a minute what to say back to her. "Then what is it?"

Without saying anything, Skyler leaps forward and crushes him into a hug. The tears are falling down their face before they have a chance to try and hold them back. Despite all the anger and sadness still sitting in a pit at the bottom of her stomach, they'd missed him so much. They missed their father.

"I'm so sorry, Skye. You know that, right? I was afraid that if I told you when you were younger that you might... well, you might not want me as a father."

"I do. I want you to be my dad. Trevor, he hardly has time for me, but you always will. Even if it means getting a substitute to ditch a day of school," Skyler tells him.

"I... Sometimes I thought you hated me, Skye," Ashton admits.

"Hated you? I've never hated you, dad. I have a hard time connecting with you guys sometimes," they say with a small huff.

"Well sit down, let's talk about it," he says, gesturing to a chair. They both sit down, Skyler in one of the chairs from the student desks, and Ashton in his posh office chair. "So, what makes you feel disconnected from us?"

Skyler doesn't want to have to tell him, but how else is he going to understand? This is getting to be too much for Skyler. Too many things kept inside that are only told to specific people, it's all so much to remember.

"Listen. I know that you always mean the best, and you want to talk about me and all my accomplishments. But you're actually embarrassing me and putting attention on my autism. I would rather people focus on me, and not how normal I can act while I'm mentally different," they explain.

"Oh. I never thought about it that way, I'm sorry Skye. All you had to do was tell me though, you know that, right?" Ashton asks.

"I've tried to, but it never felt like you were listening. This is nice, us talking alone without distractions. We should do that more often," Skyler suggests.

"Okay, I can do that. But what else? Surely it couldn't have been that alone," he says.

"There is one other thing, it's very hard to talk about," they say, taking a shaky breath.

"Take all the time you need," Ashton says, putting a hand on their shoulder for reassurance.

"The main reason why I never felt like I belonged is that, well, all you ever wanted was a daughter. You wanted all the things that we would do together to be like what you did with your sisters when they were little. You always say that I'll be your little girl. But I'm not a girl."

Ashton's brows furrowed as he tried to understand what Skyler had told him.

"So does that mean that you're a boy?" he asks, cringing at the sound of his own question, worried he'd said the wrong thing.

"No, I'm not a boy, either, I'm... non-binary, I think," they say.

"I don't know what that means. To be honest, I am way out of my league. It's about time I invite Daniel and Colton over for dinner. How does that sound?" Ashton inquires.

"Sounds perfect. I've missed them," Skyler says.

"Me too, kiddo. And I shouldn't have shrugged them off when they tried to explain the pronouns to me. I wouldn't be so lost right now. But I want you to know that I accept you as you are, okay? And there's nothing that is going to change that. Even if you aren't my daughter, you'll always be my kiddo."