Training Travel

I am

Went all on and off Trying to find find the real me. Went on teenage life but couldn't find any strength. Im still waiting I hope it may hit the necessary nerve and make me realise that real eyes were never meant to see but real lies are always there on daily basis. What is it that I have to realise. Realistic pleasure I am still ones favourite. I wish mom w"as here....

I looked up into the sky I remembered my childhood days.I remembered how young and sweet my life was. I remembered how I used to play with mom dolls. I remembered how the man I used to call dad played with me tennis ball. Yes I was good in tennis I always played it while I missed my old dad. I was deep in thoughts...

"Why you crying Bianca?" Shaun said

"Who? me?"

"Yes,is everything okay doll"
shook my head

"Its okay dear you can speak to me"

" I miss home"

Because Shaun was my gay best friend I never really cried on his presence I bet he was too scared. I never really told him my secrets its just that I was scared of being judged

"First things first,do you really have a home?... I mean I never heard you talk of one,or beside do you have any siblings?"
I cried even more harder. Not because I was scared of telling Shaun my history but because I hated my self for leaving home

"Talk to me honey,im here."

"I... I was... sigh... okay yes I do have a family and im not sure about siblings its been quite years now"

"Omg Bianca are you insane or what??"

"Not sure about sanity but I was up to save my life" "Years Bianca are you serious?" "You said it yourself that I never talked about home,so why would I lie" "Okay tell me everything please cause its true you are troubled" "Am I that transparent" "If you were transparent I would have seen that from the very first day I saw you... now speak out please "...

There was just something about Shaun,something that made me see that I can trust him. He was the friend I have been looking for. He gave me love. I always adored him too much.

"Okay here we go...I never really talked about home because my dad in fact the man I call my father... raped me"

"What!!.. Did you report him? Is he still alive? Fuck is he even your father? When was it? Why didn't you tell me? How you now?"

"Shaun..."

" No man he should die.He is the devil.Did you tell anyone?Does your mother know?

"Shaun... " " Friend are you okay now?" sighes That's what,I didn't want look at this "Shaun im okay but I cant remember your your questions" "Just answer those you remember" " Okay... I never reported him because I was scared.I ran away from home I changed my identity because I didn't want mom to find me. I always wished upon a wishing star that I find him behind bars one day but he is my father Shaun remember. I cant loose him in fact I cant loose both my parents" " You have lost them already because they dont know where you are and beside I dont know who you are"...

"My real name is Jalene Herny Beckham" "Wow,so this Bianca Awesold is an act" " Not really" "Then what?" " Bianca is the name I was given by my grandmother who passed on"... "You indeed troubled sister,so now that you like this what do you expect your next move to be?" " Please do not tell anyone about it" " Like hell I would but, you indeed need help sister"...

"I cant Shaun..." " Honey its not about you not wanting to be found but its about you having to deal with this both emotional and physical because now its haunting you sister "

Shaun was right but was I? I mean its been four years already since I buried my history now its haunting me again. I had to deal with it one way or another. I have acted strong enough I think it was time for me to let go now. I wasn't going to look weak but I was going to work out on me being the victim of rape. I know I havent considered my family but I had to woman up...