White Roses (Fyolai Fanfic)

Time to go 2

!ANGST !SH

(SORRY IVE BEEN VERY BUSY WITH SCHOOL ML'S IM SORRY FOR THIS CHAPTER...)

Nikolai had looked down

fuck,fuck,fuck

"I-" Nikolai tried to speak, but words just hushed and completely left him.

Fyodor had a deep look in his eyes as if he was about to cry, Fyodor barely showed those emotions.

Fyodor lifted up Nikolai's arms. 'love' he whispered. He gently rose Nikolai's arms. "Why" He looked, not trying to cause Nikolai to be upset or cry over this.  "Why, would you do this"

Nikolai could only think the worst, he was mad. He hated him he didn't deserve a person like him, how stupid could he be is all he thought for mere of minutes. 

"I'm not mad" His voice lifting from the frightened tone,  slightly grabbing Nikolai's wrists placing his hands in Fyodor's Lap. 

Nikolai brushed into tears. He didn't know what this felt like. Was he sad, misunderstood, crying, happy or was he angry? Nikolai took his hands out of Fyodor's grasp, wincing in pain. He covered his face. He bawled his eyes out, pooling himself into a flush of tears. He was just a face at this point, a crying and a pool of tears. That's all he was.

"You are mad, you don't have to lie to me." Nikolai winced and whined.

"But I'm not mad dear Folya" Fyodor pondered, putting his hands on Nikolai's head.

"How could I be mad at you for something like 'this'" Fyodor scuffled the boys white hair, undoing his hair.

Nikolai looked up, shifting his body to sit up. "I'm okay."

"Your not okay, that's the thing. You always claim your fucking okay Niki" Fyodor was flushed, he didn't know what to say.

Nikolai looked up at him, more tears pooled out of his eyes "Maybe your right, love, but it hurts to tell you" 

"It's not like I would do anything, you mean the world to me Nikolai." He caressed the boys head, pushing his thoughts to the side of what he could say.

"If you insist Fedya."

BACKSTORY (NIKOLAIS POV)

I sit in the same classroom everyday, left corner, the very back.  I didn't pay attention because I genuinely sought school as useless, it had no meaning. Just like everything else in this bullshit of a thing we call the 'world'  

I sit next to these boys, the boys who were always little fuckers of existence, sometimes I wish they would just disappear, drown in a lake somewhere. But no of course 'Be nice to everyone' right?  My head couldn't help but flood with thoughts, it takes a lot for me to get up everyday. This is just pushing it, pushing my head down back into my pillow every morning. This is the reason I'm merely myself anymore, I'm just a enigma of existence at this point in day. 

"Why are your eyes two different colors" A boy in the distance spoke, oh it was the 'new kid' everyone's been talking about. He walked towards the back, looking at a boy who was sitting in the seat next to me. The boy just scrambled off in fear, scarily to another seat.  Vidor Desersa, scared? I couldn't help but giggle, that boy had no fear in switchblades or fights, why was he scared of this boy with long black hair who wore fancy coats.  "You didn't answer my question" His Russian accent thickened, for a 16 year old he sure had the nice voice. 'oh' 

"I'm sorry, I was distracted. I genuinely don't know, its quite a unique feature I was born with" I sigh. "At least that's what my birth parents told me" I shuffled shoving myself into my desk even further, my parents were dead. That's all I got made fun of for anymore, my dead parents and my horrible reseeding mental health.

The boy tilted his head, was he judging my eyes? Was he different than the other boys, or was he just like the rest of them. No matter what I saw something in him. He had just gotten up and left. That was the last I ever saw of that boy.

AT THE BRIDGE

I shifted my weight, burdens carried me along this far. Its time to let them go, and myself.  I was tired of my parents just being gone, and that's all I get made fun of for. My parents meant the fucking world to me, and all I could think was that maybe I should go with them, go take a nice visit. A long visit.  I walked up the bridge, it was perfect. Something I surely never was. Quite funny isn't it. We call somethings and some people 'perfect' but others are conventionally ugly or taking up space like a waste of cells. Life disgusts me, It has proven there is nothing to live for anymore. I am done, I am done and I am fucking finished. My anger drowned over me, I was just  a red faced, teary and angered  mess. I was a wreck and my emotions were always controlling me. I was tired of it, surely everyone else was tired of me too right? I unfolded a note in my jacket coat, it was freezing. I read it once more to proof read of mistakes.  I lifted my coat off of my shoulders, pushing it out of my hands onto the cold, unforgiving ground.  My jacket fell in a puddle of rain, just my luck. I thought for  a moment, rethinking. But this wasn't the time. It was time for me to release my burdens, my emotions. 

'maybe I should take off my shoes' I sought. I didn't want people to think I was murdered or went missing. Nobody but the law enforcement would be looking for me anyways. I took off my shoes, a shiver hit through my body. "urgh" "Its cold as hell" I sighed, lifting my shoes off of my feet, pushing them to the very edge of the bridge, where I was about to jump. I folded the note once more, leaning down to put the note inside my shoes. Folded up but visible at least. I checked the shoes once more to make sure they were perfectly in place with my jacket. I took off my jewelry, my rings and necklaces. Someone surely would enjoy them, better than to let them rot in the river with my body. I sat here in a long sleeve button up shirt. The loose ends flowed with the breeze. I shifted my body over the cold railing, standing at the edge. My thoughts pondered 'should I really-'

I let go.